Adoptions With Love Blog

What to Expect When You Make an Adoption Plan: Post-Adoption Support for Birth Mothers

Choosing to create an adoption plan is one of the most courageous and positive choices a birth mother can make if she is not yet ready to raise a child.  Still, many birth mothers experience feelings of loss and grief, even though they know they made the best plan possible for their child.

Even if you know that adoption is the best choice for your baby, or that finding a loving, secure home for your child is the right thing to do, it is still a decision that you will carry with you for years to come.  Adoptions With Love understands that adoption can be an emotionally complicated decision.  It can affect your life in many ways, but it is possible to prepare for it and create a positive adoption experience.  Understanding that your feelings of loss are normal may help you cope with them.

During your pregnancy, you will likely go back and forth regarding your decision to place your baby for adoption. We will try and help you develop a list of the pros and cons of adoption verses parenting.  Before your baby is born, your head works great to reason.  After your baby is born, your heart works overtime.  The moment he or she arrives into this world, you will likely be in disbelief that the time to make your decision has finally come.  You will experience a rush of different emotions—from anger to sadness, to guilt and selfishness.  It is important to know that these feelings are normal.

In the hospital room, you may still find yourself re-evaluating your reasons behind choosing adoption.  These feelings are normal, and what most birth mothers discover when exploring their decision is peace of mind.  You should find comfort in the fact that you are giving your baby a secure home and a loving family.

The adoption process, though emotional and sometimes painful, can also be a very hopeful journey.  As a birth mother who chooses adoption, you will have the comfort of knowing that you were in charge of YOUR plan and gave your baby the best possible life that could be offered to him or her right now.  As a not-for-profit, private, domestic adoption agency, Adoptions With Love can ensure this comfort through our successful letter and picture program.  Whether you choose an open or closed adoption, you will always have the opportunity to see photographs or letters from your child’s adoptive family as he or she grows.  In an open adoption, you will be able to see the positive life experiences and opportunities you have given your child first-hand.

The most important part of the healing process for birth mothers is accepting and rebuilding, and we will help you through this experience.  We offer many post-adoption services for birth mothers who have made this admirable decision.  Every birth mother that works with Adoptions With Love is entitled to free, on-going counseling services and emotional support in times of need.

If you have recently placed your baby in a loving adoptive family, you may already know all about these feelings.  We hope the following tips will offer you some peace of mind throughout your adoption journey:

  • Accept help where it is offered. Lean on a friend’s shoulder, hold an extended hand, tell someone you are having a bad day when they ask. Seek trusted, outside adoption services for support.
  • Be honest with yourself. If you are feeling guilty, sad, or afraid, do not hide those feelings.  Reach out to someone who will listen.
  • Remember that you have been in charge of YOUR plan. You have made the best decision you possibly could make for your child and the life ahead of them.
  • Remember that you are not alone. There are millions of women who have been through this before, and there are services that you can call on for support.  Do not isolate yourself.
  • Remember the decisions you have made along this journey. Remember the times you thought you would never make it through and the times you thought you would quit.  Now look how far you have come.
  • Do not blame yourself. Forgive yourself, forgive others, and keep on forgiving.
  • Remember that your child is happy, the adoptive parents of your child are happy, and you, too, deserve to be happy.
  • Look at the positive aspects of life. Look at where love exists.    Dream.  Remain hopeful.

Please do not hesitate to contact Adoptions With Love toll-free at 1-800-722-7731, or text us confidentially at 1-617-777-0072, for more information.