Why Choosing Adoption is Not Giving Up
Are you pregnant and considering adoption for your baby? As an expectant/birth mother, know that placing your baby for adoption is NOT the same as giving up your baby for adoption. Adoption does NOT involve “giving up.”
Often when people talk about adoption, they use the phrase “giving up.” However, choosing adoption for your baby is anything but giving up. “Giving a baby up for adoption” implies a lack of care, connection, or love. The truth is, adoption is a decision made with an incredible amount of love and care. It takes a very brave and loving parent to put her baby’s needs above her own. Those who choose adoption are choosing to give their baby a life full of love, stability, and opportunity. It is one of the hardest, yet most selfless things she can do when she is not ready to parent her baby.
So, instead of saying “give up for adoption” or “put up for adoption,” we prefer to say, “making an adoption plan.” Making an adoption plan means making a thoughtful plan for your baby’s life ahead. You may not have planned to get pregnant, but you can ensure there is a plan for your baby’s future. Adoption can provide a child with love, education, permanence, family support and many opportunities. This choice is the opposite of giving up.
If you are thinking about making an adoption plan for your child, read on. Here, we will share the basic steps to take when making an adoption plan, and how an adoption agency can help.
How to Give a Baby Up for Adoption (or, Make an Adoption Plan)
If you are wondering how to give your baby up for adoption, or as we like to say, make an adoption plan, your first step will be to meet with an adoption agency. In order to complete a safe and legal adoption, you must work with a licensed adoption agency that is experienced in the laws of your state. It is important to choose an adoption agency that is reputable, trustworthy, and cares about your needs.
Contacting an adoption agency does not mean you must place your baby for adoption. Rather, an adoption agency is there to provide you with information and support you through this process. You can use this opportunity to ask questions, receive counseling, and learn about your options. Consider looking for a full-service adoption agency that can offer you complete support. This includes counseling, financial assistance, and more.
Once you choose an adoption agency that you can trust, you can start the adoption process. The following steps outline the basic process of making an adoption plan:
- Determine whether adoption is the right choice for you and your baby.
Consider all of your options and take your time. There is no rush or deadline when it comes to making an adoption plan. Your adoption agency can help you learn about all your options and how they might impact your future. Your adoption agency should never pressure you on this decision and support any choice that you make.
- Decide between an open, semi-open, or closed adoption plan.
There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to making an adoption plan. This is a deeply personal choice and will depend on what you feel is best for you and your baby. Open adoption means there is communication between you and the adoptive family, before or after the adoption is finalized. Closed adoption means that all your information is kept private, and there is no relationship between families. For your comfort, all of the adoptive families at Adoptions With Love have agreed to an open adoption. However, if you prefer to keep contact limited or keep the adoption closed, that is okay, too. Your adoption professional can help you decide which plan will work best to meet your needs.
- Choose a loving adoptive family to raise your baby.
Finding the right adoptive family for your child is a big step. With your adoption agency, you can browse through profiles of hopeful families looking to adopt. These profiles will include photos, stories, and personal information about the family. If you have any more questions or would like to get to know the family, this can be coordinated by your adoption counselor.
- Meet the adoptive family (if you wish).
Once you have found a family for your baby, you can choose to meet with them if you would like. Your adoption professional can help arrange any meetings with a prospective adoptive family. If you would like to maintain privacy, your agency can also serve as the liaison who communicates messages for you. When it comes to adoptive family interactions, you will never be pressured to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
- Give birth and complete the necessary legal steps in the adoption process.
Working with an adoption agency often means that your medical care or any uninsured medical costs are covered. You will have access to quality pre-natal care before giving birth, help with your stay at a hospital for the delivery, and postpartum care at an OB-GYN. Prior to the birth of your baby, you will work with your adoption agency to create a hospital plan.
Your adoption hospital plan is a basic outline of how you would like your hospital experience to go. Would you like the adoptive parent(s) to be in the delivery room with you? Would you rather have a relative with you? After you give birth, do you want the baby to stay in the room with you, or would you like the baby to be with the adoptive parent(s) right away? These are all decisions that you can make, and your adoption agency will respect your wishes.
Once you have given birth, you can finalize your decision on placing your baby for adoption. All states require a mother give birth before signing consent forms for the adoption. This consent means that you are terminating your parental rights and moving forward with the adoption. Adoptions With Love will never pressure you to decide on adoption. You can take all the time you need – there is no deadline when it comes to making an adoption plan.
- Keep in touch and build life-long relationships.
Adoption is not “goodbye forever.” In fact, it is just the beginning. When you make an adoption plan for your child, you are also making plans for your own future. If you choose to make an open adoption plan, you are starting a life-long journey wherein you can build a lasting relationship with your child’s adoptive family. You can plan to reunite with the family in several years, or every year, depending upon your preference. You can plan to share photos, phone calls, emails, and make memories throughout the years. Often, birth mothers report having a cherished bond with their child’s adoptive family. While the adoption decision itself is a challenging one, many birth mothers look back with pride and joy that their child is loved by two families instead of one – and say that they, themselves, have also gained another family to love.
As you consider adoption, it is important to have someone there to support you along the way. Choosing a full-service adoption agency can ensure all your needs are met and covered throughout the process. Adoptions With Love, for example, provides an array of free services to expectant/birth mothers, including counseling, medical assistance, housing assistance, legal services, and more. When making the difficult decision to place your baby for adoption, you deserve support and compassion every step of the way.
Adoptions With Love works nationwide to help expectant/birth mothers find the perfect homes for their babies. We can meet you, wherever you are, to discuss your options and walk you through the process. Our phone lines are open 24/7, so that we can provide confidential support when you need it most.
Can You Put a Baby Up for Adoption After Birth?
Many women come to Adoptions With Love asking, “Can I give my baby up for adoption after birth?” The answer is yes. It is never too late to make an adoption plan. If you have recently given birth and decided you are not ready to become a parent, you can still choose to make an adoption plan.
In fact, in all states, birth mothers are required to wait until after birth before signing any adoption papers. This gives a mother plenty of time to rest and think about her situation. This also allows them to meet their baby (if they wish). We want to ensure that you are completely confident in your decision. If you have given birth and are now looking to give your baby up for adoption, you may call Adoptions With Love for guidance. We can meet you in your hospital room, or wherever you may be, to help you start the process. For example, we can:
- Show you photo albums of the approved families waiting to adopt.
- Help you choose an adoptive family for your baby, right from the hospital.
- Speak with the adoptive parents on the phone while they are driving to meet you/baby.
- Arrange for you to meet the parents in-person if you would like.
- Decide on an open, semi-open, or closed adoption plan.
In working with an adoption agency, you can find comfort knowing that your baby will be placed in a safe and loving home. All adoptive families at AWL go through an extremely thorough background check and home study process prior to approval to adopt. t.
Adoptive parents and birth parents can form a very special bond in their experiences, as they love and care for the future of this baby. Oftentimes, expectant/birth parents find that special “click” when they see or meet the perfect family for their baby. When an expectant/birth mother knows she has found the right family who was meant to love her baby, she can find peace-of-mind in knowing that her child will grow up to live a happy life, full of love and wonderful experiences.
The Meaning Behind “Giving a Baby Up for Adoption”
Adoption has evolved since the mid-1800s, when the phrases “put baby up for adoption” and “give baby up for adoption” were coined. In a present-day adoption expectant/birth parents make an adoption plan for their child. This plan is made out of love with courage and thoughtfulness.
Today, adoption looks vastly different. Expectant/birth parents and their children are expertly matched with the best possible families, based on each mother’s wants and needs. All the hopeful families are carefully screened and interviewed, to ensure they are ready to raise a baby. In most adoptions today, expectant/birth moms choose the family to raise their babies.
Modern adoption is full of choices. Expectant/birth parents make a choice to give their children a better life. They choose the person, or the couple, they feel would make the perfect parents to raise their child. They also have the opportunity to meet with, talk to, and keep in touch with this family. Expectant/birth mothers can determine the level of communication with the adoptive parents, during pregnancy and throughout the child’s life. This is possible through open adoption.
Adoption can be a beautiful, positive, and loving choice for your baby if you are not in the position to raise a child. Remember, adoption does not mean you do not love your child. It does not mean you would not make a great parent. Rather, it provides a permanent, alternative option for you in this moment, right now, if you are not ready to become a mom or dad. Society or pop culture should not let you feel that you are “giving up.” Whether you are considering adoption, choosing adoption, or talking about adoption with others, try to use more modern and positive phrases, such as:
- Choosing adoption for baby
- Making an adoption plan
- Placing baby for adoption
You should also feel confident to tell anyone who asks that you are “giving an opportunity” to your baby for the rest of their life. Feel proud and brave to make a positive choice for the life of your baby. We think you are brave and remarkable, and you should think so, too.
Making an Adoption Plan
Adoptions With Love understands that everyone is an individual and no two people are alike. This is YOUR adoption plan. Some expectant/birth parents want a closed adoption plan. Others want a semi-open adoption plan where they can choose the family, meet in person, and receive letters and pictures (through their adoption agency) over 18 years. Many expectant/birth parents want a more open adoption plan with ongoing yearly meetings or regular email and phone calls. You have all of those options at Adoptions With Love. Every prospective parent agrees to at least a semi-open adoption plan. Adoptions With Love also keeps photos and letters on file, should a birth mother want to receive updates of her child down the road.
When you consider adoption as a positive choice for an unplanned pregnancy, you are certainly not giving up. You are in charge. This is YOUR adoption plan and, as skilled adoption professionals, we can assist you and make certain your best interests are the main focus. At Adoptions With Love, we are here for you with care, compassion, and professionalism. Adoption is a journey through life, and we are here all the way, both now and into the future. No matter where you are in your pregnancy, and even if you have already given birth, you can still make an adoption plan.
For more information about giving a baby up for adoption / making an adoption plan, or to learn about Adoptions With Love’s services, please click here. If you would like to talk about your options on the phone, we are available toll-free 24/7 at 1-800-722-7731. You can also text us confidentially at 617-777-0072. We are here for you.