Adoptions With Love Blog

How to Choose a Family – Considerations (Structure, Faith & Values, Culture)

Choosing a family for your baby is a very important step to making an adoption plan. Every expectant parent desires something different, something unique that they aim to provide for their child through an adoptive family. Some parents only really need to know that their child will grow up in a loving, supportive home. For others, there may be more specific desires or particular characteristics they hope a family can provide.

Deciding on what you are looking for in an adoptive family can take time. As an agency that has been working alongside expectant mothers and prospective families for almost 30 years, we encourage you to take advantage of this time. Take time not only with your decision of a family, but also in deciding exactly what you feel is most important to you. What do you want for your baby? What are you looking for in an adoptive family, and what will you expect from them?

It is okay if you do not know exactly what you are looking for initially. Many of the expectant parents that come to Adoptions With Love are unsure of where to begin at first, but with assistance they design an adoption plan with which they are comfortable. They find a connection: something in common, something desires within the family they choose. This is what brings comfort to an expectant mother choosing a family for her baby. She knows when the right family comes along.

Try to close your eyes. Paint a picture in your mind of your child in the future. What does that picture look like? More than likely, you already know just what you want for your baby. Maybe you wish that your baby has the same kind of childhood you had—with a backyard, and a small neighborhood, and lots of pets, but you are unable to provide these at this point in your life. Or, maybe you wish for your child the things you never had, and the opportunities you wish you had as a child. Right now, these wishes may seem like a dream. While in fact, these options are right in front of you. Adoptions With Love has many waiting families all sharing the dream of parenthood. You can choose the perfect family for your baby, and spin these dreams into realities. Start by considering:

Family Structure: Family structure is one aspect to consider when choosing a family for your baby. Families come in all shapes and sizes. You can decide what type of household will be most beneficial for your baby. Start by thinking about what kind of parents you would like to raise your child. Do you prefer him or her to grow up with a husband-wife couple that cannot have children due to infertility? Or, do you prefer your child to be raised by a same-sex couple, who could not biologically have a baby otherwise? Do you welcome the idea of a single mom to raise your child? Consider if you would like there to be a stay at home parent.

Next, think of the larger picture. Will your child grow up as an only child, or will they grow and learn with siblings.  You may also wish there to be pets in the household, and a larger extended family with which to celebrate the holidays. These decisions are up to you.

Background/Ethnicity/Appearance: Some expectant parents desire an adoptive family that looks similar to them, or has certain attributes that may also be reflected in their child—hair color, skin color, freckles, curly hair. Expectant parents often find it important for an adoptive family to come from a similar background.  By having this cultural relation, they feel that their child will truly “fit in” to the adoptive family.

Decide if there are certain traditions you want your child to partake in culturally. Are there specific holidays you want him or her to celebrate? Does it matter if your child will grow up in a home that celebrates Christmas, or Chanukah, or both?

Religion: You may not have a religious preference for your child, but for some expectant mothers and fathers, this could be a deciding factor. You, of course, know what is right for your baby in your heart, mind, and soul. Do not ever be afraid to express that to us. We will help you find a family that believes as you do, if that is what you wish.

Sometimes, none of these specific considerations matter to expectant parents. Sometimes, choosing a family lies only in that single connection—that spark that will truly bond two families into one. A connection can evolve from anything, but it always begins within the heart.

Before you choose a family, consider engaging in conversation with one of our adoption professionals to help you in this decision. We can talk with you in depth about your wishes as an expectant mother. By doing so, we can better understand what you are looking for in a family. You can also better understand why you are here, and why your choice of adoption is such a positive one. We admire you for wanting to be a part of this process.

Your personal choices matter to us, and Adoptions With Love will always put those first in finding a family for your baby. If you decide you do not want to choose a family, we will fully respect that decision. We can chose the family for you. Your plan will be tailored to you.

Adoption gives your baby a beautiful life, a life that you can choose if you would like. No matter how your plan unfolds, know that a loving and secure adoptive family will be there both for you and your baby. So will we.

For more information on how to choose an adoptive family for your baby, download our full guide here. Call us at 1-800-722-7731 or confidentially text us at 1-617-777-0072 today for more information on how to get your plan started.

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