If you are pregnant and considering adoption, you likely have big dreams for your child’s life. You want your child to have the best possible future, full of love, happiness, and opportunity. You want your baby to have a great family who is both stable and secure. You may have even envisioned the type of home or family in which your child will be raised, or how many siblings he or she will have in their life.
As an expectant/birth mother, you have the opportunity to choose a family that can provide all of this for your baby. You can find adoptive parents who check off all your boxes, and who can provide a happy home for your baby to grow.
Making an adoption plan for your baby is the most difficult a woman can ever make. Expectant/birth mothers often say that, once they find the right family for their baby, everything falls into place. They are given great peace of mind knowing that they hand-selected the parents who will love and raise their child.
Now, you may be wondering, “How do I find the right parents to adopt my baby?” Or, “What should I look for in an adoptive family?” These are important questions to ask. Let’s start from the beginning.
Finding Parents to Adopt Your Baby
Before choosing the parents to adopt your baby, we highly recommend finding a licensed, open adoption agency that works in your area. An open adoption agency will be in touch with many families waiting to adopt, and will help you choose the family that best meets your wishes and needs. Many of the families who work with adoption agencies have been struggling with infertility, and/or are not able to have children biologically. All of these families have been screened, interviewed, and approved to adopt.
Together with an adoption counselor, you can begin to think about the different qualities you are seeking in an adoptive family. Adoptions With Love, for example, might ask you questions like:
- Does it matter if your child has one or two parents?
- Do you want the parents to be of a certain race or ethnic background?
- Do you want your child to be raised with a certain religion?
- Do you want your child to have siblings, or to be the first child?
- Do you want an open adoption arrangement, where you keep in touch with the family?
We will then encourage you to make a list of the most important qualities you are looking for in an adoptive family. Once we have a good idea of what you are seeking, we will provide you with several adoptive parent profiles that you can browse. These profiles will include detailed descriptions, photos, and letters about the family’s background, interests, and reasons for choosing adoption.
If you would like, you can meet a prospective adoptive family in person, or talk with them over the phone or video chat. This will allow you to get to know them better, and ask any questions. Adoptions With Love can help mediate these meetings.
Meaningful Qualities to Look for in an Adoptive Family
Looking through adoptive family profiles can be somewhat overwhelming at first. However, once you find the right family for your baby, you will know. You will feel it.
Keep in mind, finding an adoptive family is not all about what they look like, what their hobbies are, or even the career path they are on. While these may be important considerations for you, there are even deeper qualities you should also look for in any adoptive family you choose. These qualities (listed below) will show you that a family is safe, compassionate, and will respect you as a birth mother.
They have been thoroughly screened and approved to adopt.
First and foremost, it is important to find adoptive parents that have been approved to adopt. In all states, this is a legal requirement. All hopeful adoptive families must complete a home study, which is conducted by a licensed adoption professional. A home study ensures that the family can provide a safe, stable, and secure home for a child, for many years to come.
By working with an adoption agency, you can rest assured that all potential adopting families have completed their home study and have been approved to adopt. Adoptions With Love, for example, screens all hopeful parents through a series of interviews and home visits. In addition, we require:
- A series of criminal background checks
- Documentation of their medical history
- Financial documentation, to ensure they can provide for a child
- Personal letters of reference
The entire home study process takes several months. This includes a series of interviews, classes, and visits to their home. . This allows us to really get to know a family, and ensures that everyone is comfortable and capable, before and after the adoption.
They want to get to know you, and your wishes.
Once you found a family that is approved to adopt, and that meets all of your wishes for your child, you will have the option to get to know them through conversations and meetings. This is a great opportunity for you to ask questions to the adoptive family. You can ask more about their love story, parenting values, reasons for adopting, as well as hopes/dreams for their future child.
In addition, this is a great way for the adoptive family to get to know more about you. It is important to find an adoptive family who expresses an interest in getting to know you as a person. Similarly, you will want to choose a family that genuinely cares about you and your wishes, as the birth mother. If and when you meet with an adoptive family, ask yourself:
- Do they seem excited for your phone call(s) and meeting(s)?
- Are they asking you questions, and do they seem interested in getting to know you?
- Are they hearing and listening to what you have to say?
- Are they interested in your wishes, and what you want for the baby?
- Do they seem to care about your personal hobbies, interests, and dreams?
- Are they receptive to your wanting an open, semi-open, or closed adoption plan?
You deserve respect and compassion from any adoptive family you choose. Remember, you are more than just a birth mother; you are a brave, selfless woman who wants the best for her baby. Any great adoptive family will recognize this, and will want to get to know you (if and when you are ready).
They have a positive outlook on adoption.
Any adoptive family that you choose for your baby should speak positively about the adoption experience, and even more, about your role as a birth mother. Find an adoptive family that will tell your adoption story—to your child and to others—in the most positive light.
Adoption is an incredible act of love, and a very thoughtful decision. It is a sacrifice. A birth mother who chooses adoption does so in the best interest of her baby. You deserve the utmost respect for this choice. You want to ensure that the family you choose will speak highly of you in all conversations, and that your child will grow up knowing about the loving and selfless choice you made.
Parents who speak about adoption positively, openly, and frequently will position their child for the most success down the road. With these conversations, your child to grow up knowing that he or she came from a good family, with good values and an incredible amount of love.
Ask any adoptive family about their views on adoption overall, and about birth mothers who make this choice. In addition, ask how they plan to talk about adoption with their future child, and how they will refer to you, the birth mom. By asking these questions, you can get a good sense of their ideals as adoptive parents and the perspective your child will have growing up.
Choosing the Right Parents for Your Baby
Every expectant/birth mother says that when she found the adoptive family for her baby, she knew it was right. Remember, with an adoption agency by your side, you can look through many family profiles and meet the prospective adoptive family you choose. If you desire an open adoption arrangement and the adoptive family is not comfortable with that, it may not be the family for you. Take time with this decision, and be open with your adoption agency about your wants, needs, and expectations along the way.
Adoptions With Love can help you find the perfect family for your baby. To learn more about choosing an adoptive family, please download our free eBook below. You may also start browsing waiting families here, or contact us online for more information.
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