How to Cope with an Unplanned Pregnancy as an Expectant Father (A Guide for Young Men)

Facing an unplanned pregnancy can be one of the most stressful and overwhelming experiences of your life. When you are the person carrying the baby, you often feel like the world is resting on your shoulders. If you are an expectant father, it can be a difficult situation for you, too. You may be feeling many different emotions about this circumstance that the universe has thrown at you. Whether you are in a committed relationship or you have had a casual fling with the child’s expectant/birth mother, it can be a complicated situation to face. You may be searching for unexpected pregnancy advice for men. You have come to the right place.

As you may already know, the decisions regarding the pregnancy and child are ultimately up to the expectant/birth mother. You can still play an important role. If you are facing this situation right now and wondering how to deal with an unplanned pregnancy, read on. In this short guide, we will share advice for men dealing with unplanned pregnancy.

1. Keep Calm and Carry On

An unplanned pregnancy is a shock. It can trigger a range of big emotions, even if you are a laid-back person. You may have had the wrong reaction when you got the news, but now that you have let it sink in, try to handle it like an adult. Avoid pointing fingers and blaming your partner. It takes two people to make a baby. You both played a part in this situation. The best way to handle this circumstance is with a calm and level head.

2. Understand the Options

While the person who is pregnant will ultimately get to decide what is best, remember that there are options. It is helpful to consider the options calmly, rationally, and with the best interest of the birth mother at heart. When facing an unplanned pregnancy, there are – generally – three basic options:

• Parenthood
• Adoption
• Termination (depending on your state)

As you and your partner consider the options, you may want to take some time to ask yourself questions like:

• Can I afford to raise a child?
• Would I be willing to co-parent with or marry my child’s mother?
• Could I be supportive if she ultimately chose termination?
• What does adoption today look like? What is open adoption? (Learn about open adoption here.)
• Am I willing to terminate my parental rights? What are my parental rights as an expectant father?

The last question can be a complicated one and depend based on your home state and its adoption laws. Birth fathers do have parental rights. It is best to turn to an adoption professional who can offer you sound legal advice.

3. Be Supportive

It can be challenging to be supportive if her choice is different from what you would choose, but it is important to offer your support. Ask how you can help her. Depending on your relationship, she may or may not want you to be involved, but, nonetheless, you can still offer your support.

4. Remember: You are a Team

No matter the decision, it is helpful to remember that you and your child’s expectant/birth mother are in this together. It is natural to immediately think about your own future and how this decision could impact your life. You may consider what other people in your life will say. If parenthood is the decision, will you need to find a way to cover child support? Will you need to find a place to live that is suitable for your child? Your feelings are valid. You have a lot to think about, but you should not unload these concerns on your child’s expectant/birth mother. Eventually, you and the mother of your child will need to have these discussions, if you decide to parent your child together.   She is going through enough; but it may be helpful to offer her a lending ear. Ask her how she is doing and, if you can, consider finding a professional counselor for you both.

Choosing to work with an adoption agency means having access to free supportive services. If an expectant/birth mother chooses adoption, she can receive free counseling services before and after the adoption is complete.

5. Learn from This Experience

Facing an unplanned pregnancy is a startling, life-changing experience. It is something that you will never forget about, no matter which option you and your partner choose. You do not need a lecture but take precautions to avoid this situation in the future. As any medical professional would advise, use multiple forms of birth control. Whether you choose adoption, parenthood, or termination, this will be a lasting lesson in your life.

Learn More About Adoption

If you would like to learn more about adoption, work with your child’s expectant/birth mother to create an adoption plan, or just learn more about your options, contact Adoptions With Love today. We can help you, obligation-free, and share the information you need. Call us 24/7 at 800-722-7731, text us confidentially at 617-777-0072, or contact us online.