Adoptions With Love Blog

Choosing Adoption After Infertility

Adoption is a positive option for anyone looking to grow their family. This path is taken for a variety of reasons, but most often, it is after years of infertility. If you have struggled to conceive and carry a child, you may be considering adoption. As difficult as this may be right now, it is also an exciting step for you and your spouse. We are here to help you through it.

Before choosing to adopt, it is important to ensure that you are ready. Have you closed the door on having children biologically? Choosing adoption after infertility can be emotional, and many parents need to go through a grieving process first. They need to let go of the loss of the child that never was or one that was lost. Perhaps you had envisioned what your child would look like, and what traits he or she would inherit. Adopting a child can never fill that specific void for couples. However, it is important to remember that DNA does not define family. Adopting a child can fulfill your dream of becoming parents, and allow you to experience a love you have never experienced before.

If you are considering adoption after struggling with infertility, read on. Here, we will break down all you need to know before adopting a baby.

Preparing to Wait

After experiencing the sadness of infertility, you may be anxious to finally meet and hold your baby in your arms. Remember adoption is a journey that takes time. As you prepare to adopt, keep in mind you will need to wait for a “match,” or for an expectant/birth mother to choose you. Depending on your agency, there may be other families waiting too. For every child placed for adoption, there are 36 families waiting to adopt. Your wait time may be made shorter if you choose to work with a local adoption agency, such as Adoptions With Love. While we work with expectant/birth moms from all over the United States, we only work with hopeful parents who live in Massachusetts. This means that the search pool is much bigger, and your wait time will be much shorter, than that of families who choose to adopt through a national adoption agency. Our typical wait time is less than 12 months.

The Joy of Parenting

There are many wonderful benefits that come along with adopting a child after years of infertility. Becoming a parent after such a long wait will likely feel that much sweeter for you. When you have that moment of holding your baby in your arms for the first time, after years of uncertainty, you will feel overwhelmed with joy. The love adoptive parents have for their children is just as real and as intense as parents of biological children. You will step into the role of “mom” or “dad” with a greater appreciation for this precious and beautiful gift. The so-called “struggles” that many new parents complain about – such as sleep deprivation, purple crying, and teething – may not seem so bad after your experiences. The middle-of-the-night feedings and cranky “witching hour” moments are what couples facing infertility long for, and your immense love for your child will carry you through those challenging times.

Overcoming the Misconceptions

While adoption after infertility is an amazing outcome, it can sometimes generate bizarre reactions from outsiders and those who are uneducated in adoption. This ignorance causes a surprising amount of stigma for our modern society. You may encounter people who ask if you are your child’s “real parents”, or if you are still trying to have your “own kids.” Since biology does not make a family, you can, of course, correct these misconceptions, but it is something to be prepared to face after adopting.

The truth is, adoption is a positive choice for all involved – parent, child, and birth parent. Most of the 14,000 children adopted each year (over 80 percent) have a warm and close relationship with their parents. The majority of them are read to, sung to, and told stories on a daily basis. Most of them – 85 percent, in fact – are also in excellent or very good health. More than half of adopted children excel in their academic careers, as well. While you may not have a genetic tie to your adopted child, you will still have an intense attachment and loving relationship that you will cherish for the rest of your life.

What else should you know before adopting a child in Massachusetts? Read our blog here.

If you would like to learn more about growing your family through adoption in MA, reach out to Adoptions With Love. Our loving staff can help answer all of your questions as you explore this option. Contact us any time at 1-800-722-7731 or visit us online: