What Do Birth Mothers Look for in Adoptive Parents?

You have decided to grow your family through adoption. You have read the baby books, made financial planning a priority, and maybe even contacted a credible adoption agency to start the process. You may be in the waiting stage of the adoption process, or creating an adoptive family profile to share with expectant/birth mothers, but have one question top-of-mind: What do birth mothers look for in adoptive families? You may be wondering what qualities they look for in parents, what or how you can make your profile connect with the many expectant/birth mothers out there. This is a common ask we hear among the waiting families at Adoptions With Love. Not only, “What are birth mothers looking for in adoptive parents,” but also, “how can we make our profile stand out amongst the crowd?”

Here, Adoptions With love explores some of the top things an expectant or birth mother will look for when selecting an adoptive family for her child. Keep in mind that when you work with a full-service adoption agency, such as Adoptions With Love, the staff members will help you design a profile that details your beautiful family story. Your adoption agency will share this with expectant/birth mothers looking for a match.

Usually, an adoptive family profile includes basic information about you and, if applicable, your spouse and/or children: details about your hobbies, careers, neighborhood, and even the story of how you met.  It should include many photos of your family doing things they love, and a personal letter to your future child’s birth mother. This gives you an opportunity to share your story, and your hopes for the adoption. Perhaps your family has faced years of infertility. Perhaps you, yourself, were adopted, and it has always been your dream to grow your family in the same, special way. Whatever the reason, you can share this information in your adoption family profile. You may also choose to share stories about your  childhood and life journey. More information will only help a birth mother get a better sense of who you are, and how you will raise the child.

Making a Connection

In addition to sharing basic information, photos and letters, your profile will help a birth mother get a feel for your family. Oftentimes, a birth mother wants to feel a unique and special connection with the family she selects to adopt her baby. Selecting an adoptive family is not an exact science. Therefore, a lot of the selection process has little to do with what looks “good on paper,” and more about that gut feeling a mother gets when she looks through a profile, and even sits down with a couple to chat. Meeting a birth mother will definitely help solidify this connection, which is why many birth mothers choose to meet with prospective adoptive families before making their decision.

One of the keys to making a special connection with a birth mother is to share the unique traits that make you… well, you! Do you have a pet that you love to spoil? Are you a sci-fi nerd who has seen all of the Marvel movies? Do you love to go hiking in your free time, or cook homemade meals? Share your cute quirks with a birth mother and she just may see a bit of herself in you. In the least, she will be able to imagine a happy life for her child, filled with delicious meals, trips to the dog park, or adventures to the mountains, the movies, or even Comic Con!

In addition to your profile, story, and fun personality, you will want to be sure to share plenty of loving family photos in your adoption profile. Seeing you surrounded by those you love most can help a birth mother get an idea of the kind of love the baby will have in his life. This love extends to your parents, siblings, cousins, friends, and other children or family members. You want to highlight what a loving family this baby will possess, which is a big factor for many birth moms selecting an adoptive family.

A Sense of Security

Of course, one of the most important factors a birth mother will consider in choosing an adoptive family for her child is a sense of security and stability. A birth mother wants to know that her child will always be safe, and comfortable in a stable home that does not see a whole lot of change. Sharing photos of your cozy home, as well as information about your neighborhood and how long you have lived there, will help ease the mind of a birth mother. In addition, a licensed adoption agency like Adoptions With Love will conduct a home study to ensure your home is safe and sound – a Massachusetts adoption requirement. However, more photos and reassurance of this safety will only further impress a birth mother and help her see her child growing up there.

A Positive Outlook

Birth mothers are looking for someone who is willing to share a positive adoption story with their child as they grow. Remember that adoption is a great sacrifice for many birth mothers, and in no way an easy decision. When writing your letter to your future child’s birth mother, try to keep her feelings in mind. Consider what a tough decision she must be grappling with, and how you would feel if you were in her shoes. Show respect. You should also keep in mind that, no matter what, your child will always have a connection with his or her birth mother. Whatever her reason for placing the baby for adoption, a birth mother wants to know that her story will be shared and honored in a positive light. She wants to know that she, her love, and her choice will be celebrated in her child’s home.

Some birth mothers may be looking for an adoptive family who is also open to the idea of open adoption. Open adoption means having some sort of relationship between the birth and adoptive families. At Adoptions With Love, all adoptive families are open to sharing letters and pictures with their child’s birth mother over the years, sometimes directly and sometimes anonymously through the agency. Every open and semi-open adoption plan is unique.

Just as there is no exact science to selecting an adoptive family, there is no “right way” to design your family profile. Consider the feelings of the birth mother, share as much about yourself as you are comfortable with, and be honest and true to who you are. Above all, it is this that will help you make a connection (and a match) with an expectant/birth mom. Finding the right match can take time, but keep in mind that it is all in the baby’s best interest. The birth mother wants to be sure she is choosing the right family for her baby, and your adoption agency wants to be sure you are receiving the best match for your family.

If you are looking for even more guidance in the adoption process or wish to adopt in Massachusetts, please feel free to reach out to Adoptions With Love at 617-964-4357. Our caring staff can help you build a profile, meet expectant/birth parents, and grow your family through adoption.