Adopting a Newborn from the Hospital? What to Expect

The adoption process is a highly-anticipated and hopeful journey for waiting parents – if you are here, you have come a long way. You have made the decision to grow your family through adoption, you have gone through the home study process, you have been matched (and maybe have gotten to know) an expectant mother, and now, the time is here. Her due date is just around the corner, and you are getting prepared to bring your baby back to his or her forever home.

The trip to the hospital is perhaps the most anticipated event in a waiting family’s adoption journey. And once you are there, you may also find it to be one of the most intense and emotional experiences yet. As the prospective parent(s), you will be overwhelmed with joy and excitement, but also may face some underlying anxieties as you await your baby. You may worry about how you will be treated by the hospital staff, or how the birth mother might feel about her adoption plan after giving birth.

If you are adopting a newborn from the hospital, it can be very helpful to discuss a hospital plan with an adoption professional prior to the delivery day. Together, you can discuss your wishes as well as understand those of the expectant mother. From who will hold the baby first, to who will be in the delivery room, the details will be outlined in an adoption hospital plan. Ultimately, this is the expectant mother’s birthing plan – but by establishing an open and trusting relationship with her from the beginning, you may find yourself intimately involved with the pregnancy, labor, and birth.

Having this discussion before the baby’s birth can help ease any anxieties you may be experiencing, as well as better prepare you (mentally, emotionally, and physically) for this day. By planning, you can also put more time and energy into what is most important: welcoming your baby into this world.

To help you navigate the hospital experience, Adoptions With Love has put together some tips for hopeful families adopting a newborn from the hospital. These are designed to help you prepare for the trip to the hospital, the labor and delivery day, and this stage of the adoption process. Most notably, they will help you make the most of your time in the hospital with your baby’s birth mother.

The Adoption Process for a Newborn

Before the Birth:

• Do not make set-in-place travel plans. Pregnancy is often unpredictable – only five percent of women actually give birth on their expected due dates. For this reason, we recommend that adoptive parents wait to make travel plans. But it is a good idea to know how you will get to your destination and possible places to stay. As soon as the expectant mother goes into labor, she or the adoption agency will notify you that it is time to arrange for travel.
• Pack some items to accommodate the baby. Bring some basic items to accommodate the baby after he or she is born: one or two receiving blankets, a set of bottles and pacifiers, as well as some onesies and a baby outfit for going home. These are easy, packable items that will be good to have following the birth of your baby. Having a car seat is imperative. Items such as a pack and play, diapers, and formula can be purchased once you leave the hospital and the adoption papers have been signed.
• Bring a gift for the birth mother and/or birth father. Bringing something special for the birth mother will show that you are thinking about her during this time. You may also choose to bring some flowers or food. A lovely gift such as a necklace or bracelet that they will have over time is very appropriate. Check with your adoption agency social worker to ensure gifts (and which gifts) are acceptable in your state.

At the Hospital:

• Understand the birth mother’s wishes. The expectant/birth mother has likely already made a hospital plan, detailing who she wants in the delivery room, how she will give birth, and where she will be staying after the baby is born. She may also have some plans for your stay, too. She may want to meet you in person and have you be a part of the labor and delivery process. She may want you to spend time with the baby in her room. She may even want the baby to sleep in your room during your hospital stay.
• Familiarize yourself with the hospital’s adoption policies. The hospital may also have additional policies for your stay – if you will have your own hospital room, if you may have access to the baby’s medical information, and if you can move freely throughout the maternity ward and nursery. Be sure to understand these policies and fill out any paperwork as needed upon arrival, to ensure you make the most out of your hospital stay.
• Be sensitive to the birth mother’s needs. As overjoyed as you are to enter parenthood, it is important to remember that the hospital experience is primarily about the baby and his or her birth mom. While in the hospital, be sure to check in on her and ensure she is comfortable. Ask how things are going, but also leave her space and time alone with the baby if she requests. Many birth mothers regret not having enough time alone with their baby before the adoption and carry that grief with them. Remember that you will have plenty of time with the baby when you get home.
• Remain flexible and keep an open mind. Remember to stay flexible throughout this whole process, as a hospital plan (and the expectant mother’s wishes) may change at any time. For example, an expectant mother may first feel she does not want adoptive parents in the delivery room, but upon getting to know you, she may feel comfortable with you in the delivery room. In the beginning, she may not want to see or hold her baby, but upon giving birth, desire some alone time with the baby in the hospital. Always be open to change, as this process is truly unpredictable.
• Understand that the birthmother will need to fill out a birth certificate for the baby and choose a name for the baby. This is her choice, her name. You may decide to incorporate the name she gives the baby into the name you ultimately choose.

Leaving the Hospital:

• Understand the legal papers. Every state has different laws stating when a mother can consent to adoption. In every state, no papers can be signed until after the baby is born.
• Be prepared for an emotional experience. Adoption is full of mixed emotions. As much joy and excitement it involves, there is also grief and goodbyes. Making an adoption plan is one of the most difficult decisions a woman can make for her child – be sensitive to her emotions and offer her a safe place to share those feelings with you or an adoption counselor. At the same time, remember that this grief is normal. It is important to be respectful of a mother’s grief, while you are feeling great joy. Your happiness will ease her pain – she wants this for you and the child. Before you leave, be sure to talk to the birth mother (or your adoption counselor) about your plans for the next few months. It will be assuring for her to know that she will hear from you after the adoption, and through letters and pictures, see how happy and well the baby is.
• Be prepared to stick around. If you are adopting a newborn from another state, you will be required to stay in that state for some time after the baby’s birth. Typically, the ICPC (Interstate Compact for Placement of Children) clearance is around 7-10 business days. After that, you will be ready to bring your baby home. During this time, you can also see the birthmother after the hospital and this can give her a great amount of closure.

Contact Us to Learn More About Adoption

Legal Aspects of Newborn Adoption

Adopting a newborn from the hospital is a life-changing event. It is a thrilling experience for adoptive parents, and it is one that brings many emotions. It is also a legal process. Here is a brief outline of what adoptive parents should know before diving into newborn adoption:

Parental Rights of Biological Parents

Adoption laws vary by state and can be quite complex. It is important to work with an adoption professional who can provide you with the services of an experienced adoption attorney. This professional can explain the parental rights of birth parents, such as when consent may be signed and if/when it may be revoked.

Adoptions Laws and Regulations

This is another area that can be complicated. Your adoption agency can walk you through the adoption process and give you the most up-to-date, accurate information regarding adoption laws and regulations in your state. In Massachusetts, for example, every prospective adoptive family must complete the Home Study. This includes several thorough screenings, background checks, at-home visits and interviews, and the review of medical and financial documents. The Commonwealth of Massachusetts does not discriminate based on sex, gender, or sexual preference.

Finalizing the Adoption

This is the final legal step of the newborn adoption process. Your adoption attorney can walk you through the proceedings as they are expected to take place. This is another reason to work with a reputable adoption agency. Their experience and expertise can make the adoption process a smoother one.

Financial Aspects of Adopting a Newborn

Adopting a newborn is, in many ways, like having a child biologically. There are costs associated with welcoming a baby into your life, no matter how you choose to raise your family. This includes adoption. Read on for more about what to expect adopting a newborn, in terms of finances.

General Costs Involved

With newborn adoption, some private adoption agencies tend to charge adoptive families one flat fee and others have more of an “a-la-chart” payment structure. At a full-service adoption agency, like Adoptions With Love, for example, adoptive families can expect their adoption fee to cover the following expenses:

• Complete home study, which is required in Massachusetts
• Comprehensive marketing and matching with expectant/birth parents
• Full legal services, including termination of birth father’s rights
• ICPC and adoption finalization services
• Pre-adoptive educational seminars to prepare for your baby’s arrival
• Post adoption support groups
• Post-adoption education and referral for you and your child
• Post-placement letter and picture program for years after the adoption

Adoptions With Love’s fee also accounts for the costs associated with supporting expectant/birth parents who are making their adoption plans. The services covered include:

• Financial assistance with rent, utilities, phone, food, maternity clothing, and other necessities, as needed.
• Transportation
• Counseling services
• Medical care
• Legal representation

At Adoptions With Love, if an expectant/birth mother chooses to parent her child, the adoptive parents do not pay a placement fee.

Importance of Financial Planning

Adopting a newborn is a monumental experience. As joyous as welcoming a child can be, it can also be costly. Many families who decide to adopt are not wealthy. Many, in fact, earn average salaries and need to budget or get creative when considering adoption. Adoptive parents can apply for grants and specialized loans to help with adoption expenses.

Some even hold personal fundraisers or start GoFundMe pages for community support.

Once the adoption is complete, parents may consider their budget for the rest of their child’s upbringing, as well. Budgeting is an important element of financial planning. It costs, on average, $310,605 to raise a child from birth to age 18.

Common Challenges of Newborn Adoption

As positive an experience as newborn adoption is, it can also come with its own set of struggles. Read on for the best ways to approach the unique challenges that come with adopting a newborn from the hospital.

Dealing with Wait Times

This can be hard for adoptive parents, particularly for those who have been wanting to grow their family for many years. If you have experienced delays, such as fertility struggles, it can be discouraging to think of how long newborn adoption may take. Once the Home Study is complete, the average wait time for adoption with Adoptions With Love is typically between six and 24 months (about 2 years). One of the best ways to stay busy is by preparing for life with a baby. Spend this time taking parenting courses, reading parenting books, and preparing your home with life with a little one. If this is your first child, consider creating a baby registry for family and friends to shower you with presents.

Unexpected Changes in the Adoption Plan

Newborn adoption can throw many curveballs at adoptive parents, particularly when an expectant/birth parent changes their mind at the last minute. If, for any reason, your adoption falls through, your adoption agency can help support you through the disappointment and emotional response. At Adoptions With Love, our experienced and compassionate counselors and staff can help walk you through any changes that are made to your adoption plan.

Preparing Your Home for a Newborn

Are parents ever really ready for a newborn? Having a baby – whether biologically or through adoption – is life changing. It can help to prepare with the following as you await baby’s big arrival:

Basic Necessities for a Newborn

Thanks to our multi-billion-dollar baby gear industry, many first-time parents think they need every item available on their registry. As many seasoned parents would agree, babies do not need nearly as much stuff as Americans today believe. In fact, many will say that babies only need diapers and formula. Still, a few basic items can make life a whole lot easier after your newborn adoption, such as:

• Car seat
• Crib
• Diapers
• Baby wipes
• Onesies and other clothing essentials
• Swaddle blankets
• Bibs
• Burp cloths
• Feeding essentials – i.e., bottles and formula
• Entertainment items – i.e., swing, playmat, pack ‘n’ play
• Baby carrier and/or stroller

Here is a list of some other items that may be useful in the first months.

Creating a Safe Environment

It is important to have a safe, clean environment when adopting a newborn. Your adoption agency will not expect perfection, but they will check – and help guide you – in this area during the Home Study. Make sure that your home is cleaned regularly and is secure. If there are any critical house projects that need attention – i.e., a leaky roof, a broken window, lead paint, asbestos, etc. – they must be taken care of before a home study is complete and the baby is brought home.

It can also help to baby proof your home before your child is mobile. Cover electrical outlets with covers, ensure sharp corners of furniture are covered, gates for stairs and glass items are out of reach.

Life After Newborn Adoption

What does life look like once you have brought your baby home? Completely different in every way. As the old Johnson & Johnson ad told us years ago: “A baby changes everything.”

Adjusting as a Family

Adopting a newborn from the hospital is wonderful, but there is a transition period. If this is your first baby, you are experiencing sleepless nights – perhaps for the first time ever. It helps to create your village. If you do not have close friends and family with babies, seek out relationships that can offer you that shared experience. Find Facebook parenting groups – particularly adoption groups, if possible. Adoptions With Love holds newborn parent groups.

Dealing with Post-Adoption Depression

Many birth mothers experience postpartum depression as their hormones struggle to readjust to life after pregnancy. Adoptive parents also experience a depressive state known as parental post-adoption depression (PAD). It is best to speak with a professional for help with PAD. Adoptions With Love can offer support for adoptive parents, as well. These feelings are time limited and very normal.

Begin Your Newborn Adoption Journey

If you would like to learn more about adopting a newborn from the hospital, or if you would like to start your own adoption journey in Massachusetts, please do not hesitate to call Adoptions With Love at 1-800-722-7731.