Birthmother Stories

Carma’s Letter

It is with great enthusiasm that I wish to share the history of my experience as a Birthmother and express what a wonderful partner AWL has been during this time. I could easily write a novella to describe the experiences and emotions that have been my joy to live through over the past 16+ years, but I will do my best to be succinct.

When I first discovered that I was pregnant in March 1991 I was completely terrified. I was in an on-again-off-again relationship with a man who I had already realized would not be suitable as a life partner. I came from a very blue collar family where teenage pregnancy was more the norm than the exception. However, I had decided from an early age that I wanted to create more opportunity for myself and not fall into a cycle of struggle where it would always be difficult to provide for myself and my child.

I searched the phone book (this was years before the Internet) and selected four companies to contact. The first three calls were very average and somewhat cold or insincere; my fourth call was to Adoptions With Love and I never had to look back. Not only was the woman I spoke to warm, but responsive and tender with her questions and compassion. She spent an hour on the phone with me listening and never trying to make me feel as though I needed to make this heart-rendering decision immediately. She asked me to call back in two or three days to speak with her again.

During my pregnancy I received information packets to complete and send back so the staff at AWL could help guide me toward the family that would receive my baby girl. I also received a generous amount of follow-up phone calls just to see how I was doing and to offer continued support during those short but precious nine months.

I waited until I was six months along to share the news with my family. Thankfully, I didn’t show until then, although I totally ballooned after that. Most of my family, and especially my younger sister, were supportive although my grandmother’s disappointment was most obvious and this was hard to accept. My mother, bless her heart, was very supportive although she certainly wished I would change my mind. It’s a struggle going against the flow of those who love you most but every part of me knew I was making the right decision for the little angel growing inside me.

I had an opportunity to meet the Adoptive Parents at the hospital when they came; I chose not to and now regret it because they have become such an important part of my life. At the time I did not feel strong enough and honestly did not want my last view of my daughter to be of her being carried away from me. That seems very selfish now because I have the hindsight to know she was being carried to a wonderful life that I would not have been able to provide.

Since that day Adoptions With Love has been a wonderful conduit between myself and my daughter’s amazing parents. From my personal experience I know that they do a fantastic and detailed job of coordinating communication between birthmothers and adoptive parents. They encourage pictures and letters between the two and have been readily available over the years when I have needed them.

So now…all these years later I can look back and find myself so very grateful for AWL, the adoptive parents who have taken extraordinary care of my daughter and also for the life I have been able to map out for myself. The decision to place my baby for adoption still stands as the most difficult decision of my life but it was also the best, for her and for me. I have so much appreciation for the life my daughter has and all of the opportunity that her parents were able to provide that I know I would not have been able to.

Adoption is about being selfless and understanding how precious it is to give life but also wanting the very best life for the innocent child growing within you. I have never once regretted placing her for adoption. There have certainly been many tears shed over letters and pictures I receive but these are tears of joy that encourage me to realize that I made the right decision for both her and me.

If you are reading this you are probably considering adoption as an alternative for your baby and I want you to be encouraged by the bravery you are showing as you decide what is best for you and your child. It truly doesn’t matter what type of support group you do or do not have because I promise you that in time you will be able to look back, assisted by Adoptions With Love, surrounded by photos and letters and feel so much joy for your selfless act of love. You will be stronger and wiser for your decision. Most importantly do what you think is right; this is only about you and the baby you love with every fiber of your being. Believe me, I know.

With Understanding and Love,
Carma