Posts Tagged ‘Decisions’

Facing an Unplanned Pregnancy: How to Tell Friends & Family

Discovering that you have an unplanned pregnancy can be very difficult. Sharing this news with others is often the most challenging step of all. Sometimes, it is hardest to talk with those who are closest to you. You may be unsure of how they will react and what they will think of you. You may feel that they will try to pressure you into making a certain decision, or that they will not agree with the choice you have already made regarding your pregnancy. You may also not want to involve anyone else until you have learned all of your options and thought through each one completely.

The first and most important thing you can do now is to take time for yourself to think. When coming face to face with an unplanned pregnancy, you will feel very strong emotions. Before telling your loved ones, give yourself time to come to terms with the fact that you are pregnant. Try to think of all of your options and what your next step will be. You do not have to make a final decision until the baby is born, but having a plan will bring you some peace of mind.   Having a well thought out plan will also reassure those you decide to tell. By having a solution ready, you can spin a person’s feelings of worry or confusion into something more positive. If you are considering adoption for your baby, be honest. Explain how much it would mean to have your loved one’s support through this process.

Of course, you do not have to share your pregnancy with everyone. Instead, decide who will be most supportive to you, emotionally, physically, and financially. Who will respect you and your decision in the long run? By confiding in those you trust most, you will enlist at least one other person who can support you. They will lend you confidence through this entire journey and can help you approach others who may be less supportive.

Just like you needed time, anyone else you tell will also need time to absorb this news. You cannot expect a certain reaction. Some will be excited, some will be disappointed, and some may initially be most concerned with how this will affect their lives. This is your life, and this is your decision. They may not know what is best for you and your child. They may think that parenting is the only option. If you choose adoption, explain to your friends and family that this is a loving decision that gives both you and your child the lives you deserve. Share with them your goals, as well as what opportunities you want your child to have. Try to educate your friends and family about the benefits of today’s adoptions. One of our adoption counselors can be with you and support you in doing so. We can answer any questions they may have and help them understand how this truly is a positive choice.

You may be asking, “Do I have to tell anyone at all?” It is okay if you do not want to tell your family or friends of your unplanned pregnancy, especially if you feel they will not lend support or will interfere with your final decision. However, we still encourage you to seek support from a trusted person, professional, or counselor. This is not a journey you need to face alone. Keeping your pregnancy to yourself can take a toll on your emotional health. You will need someone to lean on, to open up to about any thoughts and feelings. By keeping it private, your ability to physically take proper care of you and your baby’s health may also be affected. With open minds and open arms, we at Adoptions With Love would like to share our expert knowledge with you and support you through each phase of your pregnancy.

You can keep this entirely confidential, and we can help. A young woman recently came to Adoptions With Love with the same hope of keeping her pregnancy private. At the time, she was living at home with her parents, and no one knew she was pregnant. She was not ready to tell them yet. After learning more about adoption and deciding it was a positive choice, she came to us. We provided her with support and counseling.  We were available to her 24/7. She delivered a beautiful baby, placed him in a loving, adoptive family, and later came home to tell her family of her courageous journey.

We understand how intimidating it can be in telling others of your unplanned pregnancy.  Adoptions With Love wants to assure you that the only right decision now is the one that you will make. You ultimately know what is best for you and your baby’s future. You deserve unending love and support throughout this journey. If you are at all nervous about telling your family or friends about your pregnancy, or are having a difficult time emotionally, please call us toll-free at 1-800-722-7731 or text us confidentially at 1-617-777-0072.

For more information on how to deal with unplanned pregnancy, please download our free eBook, “The Guide to Unplanned Pregnancy.”

How to choose the best adoptive family for your baby

If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, you’re not alone. Unintended pregnancies happen all the time. Many women are in a similar situation as you. You have many options available, but since you’re on our blog, we’ll assume that you’re considering an adoption plan for your baby.

Of course, your number one priority is to give your child the best life possible. Reasons for considering adoption can vary, but all are equally valid. No matter your reason, chances are, you feel that you’re not in a position to raise a baby at this exact time in your life.

Just because you did not plan to have a baby, you can plan for your baby’s life. The decisions you make now can help give your baby the life you wish you could provide.

By choosing adoption, you can make sure your baby is raised by the type of family you want. The perfect family for your baby may be a married couple who have not been able to have children due to infertility problems. Or perhaps you may choose a single person who does not have a partner but has a huge amount of love to share with a child. Maybe you’re considering a same sex couple because they are not able to produce a biological child but will be fantastic parents.

We recommend to women that we work with that they make a list of wishes for their child.  To help answer the question “how do I find a family for my baby?” we first recommend you ask yourself the following questions:

  • What education goals do I have for my child?
  • Is attending college a priority?
  • Would I prefer a family for my baby that does not have any children or a family that already has a child?
  • Does one parent stay at home with the child?
  • Are I looking for a couple or single parent?
  • What opportunities do I envision for my child?
  • What are the family’s activities or interests?
  • What is the extended family like?

By making a list of the most important qualities you are looking for in a family, it will help you narrow down your idea of the perfect family for your baby.

The families that we work with at Adoptions With Love put together extensive photo albums and write you letters telling you about themselves. Choosing a family for your baby and getting to know the adoptive parents helps build trust and will give you comfort when you start to feel your grief. We encourage you to meet the family you choose in person. Trusting the family you have chosen for your child, and trusting your gut decision will give you strength as you go through the adoption process. Remember, you are the one in control of the adoption process, and you create the adoption plan that’s right for you.

Deciding Between Open Adoption and Closed Adoption

Many women facing an unplanned pregnancy begin to consider their options, including adoption. However, they often come across terms that are unfamiliar to them, making the process seem more confusing than it needs to be. Here at Adoptions With Love, one of the most common questions we hear is, “What exactly is OPEN adoption?”

The confusion surrounding this term is understandable since “open adoption” can mean different things to different people. Open adoption is a process that involves more contact between birth parents, adoptive parents and the child. It allows the birth parent to choose the right family for the baby and introduces the option for post-adoption contact between the birth parent and the adopted child. Each open adoption is unique, and a very special relationship, so birth parents and families can determine what level or what kinds of contact are best for them and when that contact will occur.

Closed adoptions may or may not involve the birth parent choosing the family. Sometimes the birth parent may want the adoption agency to choose an appropriate, loving family that they have approved for adoption to become the parents. However, in some cases, the birth parents may wish to choose the family for the baby, but not have any further contact in the future.

When birth parents wish to choose the perfect family for their baby, open adoption or semi-open adoption can provide them this wonderful opportunity. They look at profiles of prospective families who hope to become the child’s parents. These profiles describe their family life, their home, careers, hobbies, special interests, extended family members and in some cases, what they have gone through regarding their infertility. They usually contain lots of photos to help show their personalities.

Birth parents can learn a tremendous amount of information about the families looking to adopt by reading their profiles and browsing their pictures online, but some parents create an album that includes many more pictures and additional information about themselves. Most birth parents look for some kind of connection or a common interest with the prospective parents.

In addition to learning about and selecting the family they feel most comfortable with, open adoption also provides birth parents with the opportunity to meet the family in person and get to know them on a more intimate level. In some cases, the birth parent has even asked the chosen parents to participate in the birth of the baby.

Choosing open adoption also affects what takes place after the adoption, but there are different degrees of “openness.” It typically means that birth parents can have some kind of contact with the adopted child, but each situation is unique. Each adoptive family and birth parent determine what they are most comfortable with.

Perhaps everyone agrees that the birth parent will receive letters and pictures of the child as he or she grows and develops. Letters and photos can be delivered through the adoption agency or sent directly from the chosen adoptive parents. Some families and the birth parents may have annual in-person meetings. Perhaps phone numbers and full names are exchanged, but not necessarily. At Adoptions With Love, birth parents have the ability to design their adoption plan. Each open adoption is unique and creates a very special relationship between all parties in the adoption.

Some birth parents do not want to choose the parents. They want to put the decision in the hands of the adoption agency to choose an appropriate, loving family that they have approved for adoption to become the parents of their baby. In those cases, closed adoption is the right fit.

Ultimately, the choice is up to the birth parent to determine if they want an open, semi-open or closed adoption, and here at Adoptions With Love, we will help make sure the process goes as smoothly as possible for everyone, regardless of what they choose.