Birthmother Stories

Katy’s Letter

“During my summer break from college, I found myself pregnant and alone. I say that because there were people all around me – on the college campus in which I was enrolled, in family members and friends whom I had chosen to tell and with the man whom I had a three-year relationship – the father of this baby.  But my family wanted to hide it, my friends couldn’t grasp the concept, and my boyfriend took a hike.

I went home for a weekend to tell my parents and to figure out what I was going to do. That was the scariest time of my life. I knew that this pregnancy was a beautiful thing and that I had been blessed, but I also knew that I needed options. I was not ready. I don’t think any parent is truly ready, but I recognized my own limitations with where I was emotionally and my lack of support. It was my body, my life, and my decision.

I had been busy fulfilling my own dreams and motherhood was not a part of the immediate plan. I ultimately decided that the end result of my pregnancy – raising a child – could not be part of my destiny then. However, because I am adopted, I was not afraid of this arrangement since I am a product of it. I know that it doesn’t take blood ties, nor does it take a fertile couple to make a family. That old saying that “blood is thicker than water” is not really the case.

Ultimately, I decided to become part of the Adoptions With Love family despite researching many similar organizations. I chose them because they treated me with respect, they were responsive, they did not push me, they were calling me to see how I was doing, and most importantly, they developed a plan that fit around my unique needs and dreams. I was not a “cog” in their “machine.” AWL staff recognized me as a person, challenged me, comforted me, and ultimately supported me through the toughest decision I have ever had to make. Now that decision has become the best decision I have ever made. I haven’t regretted that decision since.

This is not to say that the experience was all rosy. I have had to navigate some bumps in the road and grieve over the immediate and physical “loss” of my daughter, but since then, and with 11 years of retrospect, I am sure I made the best decision for my daughter and myself. Part of that good decision was in making those plans through AWL, an organization that is dedicated to the women, men, and children – the families they serve.

I am lucky and truly blessed to have had this experience. The immediate sorrow has been replaced by the joy in fulfilling my own dreams and watching my daughter fulfill hers. I know that her loving and dedicated parents and brother are the answer we both needed. Love is a never-ending circle whether near or far.

This may not be your story exactly and I can attest that you must decide for yourself the best course for your life journey. The best advice I received (from a member of the AWL family) before making the final decision was to look into my heart and use my head to decide what was best for myself, and the rest would follow. By taking care of myself, I was also taking care of my daughter.

The staff at AWL helped me along the adoption path that replaced my aloneness with comfort, resources, and support. They knew what to anticipate and helped me down that path as smoothly as possible. They have also been there throughout the years to lend a sympathetic ear and provide support.

Good luck with all your dreams and don’t forget – you are not alone!