Archive for the ‘Birth Parents’ Category

Adoption FAQ: What Will My Child Think of Me?

While considering adoption, you may find yourself overwhelmed with many thoughts, feelings, and questions – Some of the most pressing being, “how will adoption affect my child?” and “what will my child think of me when he or she grows up?”

As hard as it may be in this moment, making an adoption plan can have a very positive impact on your child’s future. And despite what you may have heard or seen, choosing adoption does not mean giving up or hurting your relationship with your child. Rather, it means making a plan for your child’s life, and giving him or her a safe and loving place to grow. Adoption is a decision made with great love and thoughtfulness, and your child will come to understand this in time. You may even get the chance to explain this choice to your child yourself.

You see, adoption today is no longer the taboo or secretive subject that it once was. An estimated 99 percent of adopted children ages five and older know that they were adopted. Most adoptions today are open adoptions, meaning the birth mother has some relationship with her child’s adoptive family. It is, overall, considered a positive experience. An estimated 90 percent of those children have positive feelings about their adoption situation.

Choosing adoption is a special way of showing love to your child. It means taking the time to put your child’s needs above your own, to give him or her the best possible life you can give at this time. Your child will be reminded of this as he or she grows. You will never be forgotten. Adoptions With Love constantly hears from our adoptees, now young adults, who have told us how thankful they are that their birthparents gave them the opportunity for a wonderful life.

Research has found that the majority of adopted children experience full and happy lives with their adoptive families. They are more likely to be read to, sung to, and told stories to every single day. They are also more likely to participate in extracurricular activities, and eat dinners with their families each night. Most adopted children are in very good health, and live in safe neighborhoods with two loving parents. This leads to many other positive effects on children.

If you are concerned about the safety or well-being of your child, rest assured that when you work with a licensed adoption agency, all adoptive parents are thoroughly screened and vetted. They go through a series of FBI background checks and interviews to ensure they are ready to raise a baby. Who are adoptive families, exactly? Many of those looking to adopt are not able to conceive children biologically. Some have experienced infertility. Their biggest dream is to become a parent.

Making an adoption plan does not mean that you would not make a great parent. It does not mean that you do not love your child. It actually means the opposite. Adoption means you love your child so much that you want him or her to have the best possible life. It is a selfless decision that puts your child’s basic needs – safety, stability, nutrition, health, permanence – above your own. It means giving your child the gift of a forever family, and a life full of opportunity. Your child will grow up knowing this. The adoptive parents will always show you respect and talk about your loving decision.

If you choose to make an open adoption plan, you can also stay involved in your child’s life in some way. Your child can grow up knowing who you are, and the loving choice that you made. Your child will also have answers to many questions that arise in adoption. For this reason, most birth parents maintain some form of contact with the adoptive families over the years.

Adoptions With Love is an open adoption agency, meaning every adoptive family agrees to at least a semi-open adoption, in which they send letters and photos to the agency on a regular basis. Birth parents can access these if and when they are ready. In more open adoption arrangements, adoptive families may choose to send letters and pictures directly to the birth parents. Most adoptive families at Adoptions With Love are open to some direct ongoing communication with the birth parents throughout the years. In some situations, the adoptive families grow close with the birth mother of their child, and keep in touch as though she is a part of their family. In this modern-day world, driven by technology, adoption communication is likely to evolve over time – turning into emails, video chats, and more. Birth parents can take comfort in knowing how their child is growing and developing. All the while, adoptive parents can enjoy sharing their pride in their child.

The staff at Adoptions With Love can help you choose the best type of adoption plan for your needs, whether that is open or closed, or somewhere in between. We write contracts that are legal and binding, but also leave room for renegotiation over the years. This is an important factor and in the best interest of the child. As your child grows, his or her emotional needs will change. When the adoptive child becomes a teen or young adult, he or she may decide on the kind of relationship to have with the birth parents. Adoptions With Love is always here to help guide everyone through this process. We have a very active search and reunion program that continues to grow. We are committed to helping birth and adoptive families maintain respectful relationships over the years.

Adoption is not an easy decision, nor an “easy way out.” As an expectant/birth mother, you are putting tons of love, thought, and time into making an adoption plan. You are planning for your baby’s life! You are providing a permanent family, a safe place to grow, and emotional and financial support with ready parents that have always dreamed of raising a child. This will all be explained to your child as he or she grows. Your child will always love and respect you for this.

If you have any more questions about how adoption will affect your child, or how your child will remember you after the adoption takes place, please do not hesitate to get in touch. Call us toll-free at 800-722-7731 or text us confidentially at 617-777-0072. You may also get more information on commonly asked birth mother questions in our free eBook, “Adoption FAQ for Birth Mothers,” which you can download below.


Adoption FAQ: What Happens After an Adoption Takes Place?

If you are an expectant/birth mother considering adoption, you likely have many questions regarding the adoption process. Not to mention, you may be working through many emotions in trying to make the best possible decision is for you and your unborn baby. Adoption is not an easy decision, and right now, you deserve all of the answers you can get.

At Adoptions With Love, we believe an informed decision is the best decision. That is why we are here to provide you with the information you need to make a choice for your baby – not just about the adoption process, but also what happens after the fact. What happens after you place a baby for adoption? Is post-adoption support available to you?

Expectant and birth mothers making an adoption plan deserve a whole lot of love and support – not only during their pregnancy, but after the adoption takes place, as well. When you work with a caring adoption agency, they will recognize this. If you make an adoption plan with Adoptions With Love, for example, you will be entitled to ongoing care and free counseling for a year after your baby’s birth and placement. We are always here for you, and encourage you to take advantage of this unending support.  The support you receive directly from Adoptions With Love is ongoing.

After an adoption takes place, you can expect to experience a range of complicated emotions – love, grief, wonder, regret, hope, relief. After pregnancy and delivery, the body needs time to recover and heal. So does the heart. Talking through any difficult feelings with your adoption counselor can help ease your transition back into life, and help your heart cope even years after the adoption takes place.

In addition to the free counseling services offered, Adoptions With Love also maintains a letter and picture program between birth parents and adoptive families. This way, the birth mother can receive updates on her child over the years, after the adoption takes place. This is a nice way to stay in touch and up-to-date on what is happening in each family’s lives.

Depending on the type of adoption plan you choose, you may also expect a more involved relationship with your child’s family after the adoption takes place. Many of our families opt for open adoption arrangements that involve direct contact between both families. This allows birth parents to stay in touch with their child over the years, and gives the child access to many answers about his or her adoption story. Open adoption can take on many different forms. It may include emails, phone calls, or even in-person visits. The open adoption plan is one that is determined by the birth mother and agreed upon with the adoptive family. Adoptions With Love will assist setting up an open adoption plan. The birth mother may determine how much or how little communication she wants, and the plan may evolve over the years. Open adoption has been proven very positive for children and for birth mothers, who often find peace of mind in ongoing updates, after the adoption is finalized.

Adoptions With Love can also act as a liaison and help coordinate ongoing contact between birth and adoptive families, if needed. We are also here if you just want to say hi. Our staff loves to hear from birth and adoptive families over the years. We like to develop a relationship with each birth mother and adoptive family we help. You can think of Adoptions With Love as a part of your forever family.

In addition to our compassionate counselors at Adoptions With Love, birth mothers find it helpful to have a supportive network of others who have walked in similar shoes. That is why Adoptions With Love hosts ongoing support groups and workshops for birth mothers who have chosen adoption. After your adoption is finalized, you can confide and share your experiences with other young women who have made adoption plans. You should never feel alone in this adoption journey. You should never feel alone after your adoption takes place.

No matter your circumstance, or who you have in your support team, Adoptions With Love will always be here to help. We can guide you throughout your journey, from pregnancy to the adoption placement and beyond. To learn more about our ongoing adoption services, or to talk to a professional about what to expect after your child’s adoption, please do not hesitate to reach out. Call Amy, Nancy, Jess, Kelly, and Brittany at 800-722-7731 today. Or text us confidentially at 617-777-0072. You may also get more answers about adoption in our new eBook, “Adoption FAQ for Birth Mothers,” below.


Adoption FAQ: How Much Does Adoption Cost for Birth Mothers?

Facing an unplanned pregnancy can be a very emotional time for expectant mothers. There are often many fears and concerns, particularly when it comes to care and costs. Women who turn to Adoptions With Love can rest assured that all fees and expenses involving the adoption will be covered, free of charge.

At Adoptions With Love, we want expectant/birth mothers to feel completely comfortable with their adoption plan. We are here to guide you every step of the way. Adoption is a big decision, and you deserve all of the support in the world at this difficult time. That is why, at a caring, non-profit adoption agency like AWL, all fees for the adoption are free of charge, including counseling and legal assistance. Some of these services extend beyond birth. If you are still wondering what exactly these free adoption services entail, you are certainly not alone. Many expectant mothers have the same question. Here, we will explore some of the birth mother services available to you at Adoptions With Love.

Counseling Services

The caring staff at Adoptions With Love offers free counseling for expectant mothers throughout pregnancy and post-partum period. We understand that this journey is an emotional one. Making an adoption plan for your baby can bring up an array of complex emotions – love, hope, confusion, grief. No mother should feel that she is alone in this journey. Even with emotional support from family and friends, it is helpful to have a professional available. Our caring staff offers support whenever you need it, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We continue this care for years after the adoption takes place.

Designing an Adoption Plan

Adoptions With Love is here to guide you through the process of making a personalized adoption plan. This is an important step in the adoption journey. As an expectant mother, you likely have many questions. Our experienced team can work with you to design a plan with which you are comfortable and confident. When you make an adoption plan, you can choose a family for your baby and how much communication (if any) you would like to have with them. Would you like to receive email updates on your child? Do you wish to have phone conversations with the adoptive parents? Are you hoping to receive photos throughout the years? Do you dream of occasional in-person visits with the adoptive family? These are just a few of the pieces to the adoption plan puzzle, and we can help you put it all together. Most adoptive families today have some form of open adoption plan in place with their child’s birth mother. Studies show that children and birth parents involved in an open adoption are happier than those in closed adoptions. This is because of the peace of mind and knowledge that open contact can bring. However, open adoption may not be right for everyone. At Adoptions With Love, you can choose to make a semi-open or closed adoption plan. No matter what you choose, this plan is completely tailored to your needs and desires. There is no right or wrong choice. Adoptions With Love will guide you through this process and support you without judgment.

Choosing the Family

In addition to making an adoption plan, expectant/birth mothers are also able to choose the adoptive parents for their child. If you would like, Adoptions With Love will help guide you through the selection process, in order to find the best forever family for your baby. We collect personal and background information from each waiting family and we visit each of their homes, so that you can ensure your baby will be placed into a safe and loving home. We also have family photo albums and letters you can look through, to learn about each family. Ultimately, it is all up to you, and you have Adoptions With Love to offer as much information as you need.

Medical Care to Count On

Adoptions With Love will help you find medical care to meet your physical needs (i.e. prenatal care) in addition to your emotional needs. Should you need a doctor or midwife, we will help in finding you the healthcare professional with whom you will be most comfortable. We will also ensure you have access to a full-service hospital or birthing center, with a caring staff to assist in the delivery. Adoptions With Love will also cover any uninsured medical expenses upon completion of your adoption.

Support to Bank On

Facing an unplanned pregnancy can feel overwhelming, not just emotionally, but financially, as well. Adoptions With Love is here to help expectant birth mothers, without the added stress of housing and living expenses. We can cover a security deposit and several months of rent. We can also assist with utility bills, phone bills, maternity clothing, and other maternity-related payments, as necessary, during your pregnancy and weeks after birth.

Legal Logic

Expectant/birth mothers at Adoptions With Love have access to knowledgeable attorneys who specialize in adoption across the United States. No matter where you live, we will help you understand your rights and the laws surrounding adoption in your state. We are here to ensure your rights as a birth mother are respected and acknowledged at all times.

These important services are always free for expectant/birth mothers, and making an adoption plan is always free-of-pressure. Adoptions With Love understands this emotional time is one that requires lots of support and assistance. If you are still wondering, “how much does adoption cost?”, please download our free new eBook, “Adoption FAQ for Expectant/Birth Mothers.”


Compassionate Unplanned Pregnancy Counseling

Facing an unplanned pregnancy can be a scary time in a woman’s life. There are so many emotions and unknowns surrounding the situation. You may also have many concerns and questions about what to do next – What should you do? Who should you tell? Where should you go for support? Despite what you may be feeling now, know that you are not alone. Adoptions With Love is here for you. By asking questions, learning about all your options, and speaking with an experienced, compassionate counselor, you can make a positive, informed decision regarding your unplanned pregnancy.

If you do not feel ready to become a parent, or, perhaps, raise another child, you may be considering the alternative option of adoption. Adoption is a brave and selfless decision made with great care and love. It allows you to provide your baby with a stable home, a forever family, and a life full of opportunity. That is why we often say “making an adoption plan” – because it enables you to thoughtfully plan for your child’s life. Adoption also gives families who cannot have biological children the opportunity to become parents.

As positive as making an adoption can be for you and your child, it can feel like a lonely and overwhelming road at times – even for those with supportive families and loved ones. The caring staff at Adoptions With Love offers an extra shoulder to lean on throughout the journey.

As an expectant mother, you deserve to talk about your options in an open and neutral safe space. That is why Adoptions With Love offers free and judgement-free unplanned pregnancy counseling for women of all ages and backgrounds. No matter your situation, we offer non-biased, pressure-free, and confidential support. We can educate you on all of your options – from parenting to adoption – and help you make the best possible choice for you and your baby. We will support any choice that you make.

Unbiased, educational unplanned pregnancy counseling is a key resource to have as an expectant mother. While you may want to talk to friends or family about your feelings, it is also important to speak with a professional counselor. Pregnancy and adoption counselors are experienced, caring, and specially trained in unplanned pregnancies. They understand what you are going through and what you can do next. Family, friends, and even the biological father, however, may feel inclined to offer their own opinions. It is important to remember that, as an expectant mother, this is your decision. The right people to talk to (and the right counselors to see) are the ones who understand that only you know what is best for you and your baby. You should never feel judged or pressured into a decision.

Unplanned pregnancy counseling should be offered throughout each stage of your pregnancy. If you choose to make an adoption plan with Adoptions With Love, we will also provide you with free counseling services following your baby’s birth and adoption. All counseling offered to expectant/birth mothers is completely confidential.

Even if you have not made a decision, you can always turn to an adoption agency for unplanned pregnancy support. Adoption agencies work with many women in similar situations, and understand all aspects of what you are experiencing. You can see an adoption agency counselor simply to learn more about adoption, discuss all your options and to talk through any feelings you might have. It is important to find a licensed, dependable, full-service adoption agency that works within your state.

For more than 32 years, Adoptions With Love has been helping expectant/birth mothers make positive plans for their babies. We are a licensed, full-service, non-profit adoption agency that understands all the emotions and decisions that unplanned pregnancy can bring. With open minds and open hearts, our trained counselors will speak with you and educate you on your many options. In addition to options counseling, we also have access to attorneys who specialize in adoption. Should you decide to move forward with an adoption plan, we will help handle all legal and financial aspects of the adoption, including termination of parental rights for the birth father. We can also help you find quality, medical care.

Our counseling services for expectant/birth mothers are always free of charge. A woman facing unplanned pregnancy has enough on her mind. Paying for a counseling service should not be an added stressor. Know that we are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to help you through this journey. Simply call us toll-free at 800-722-7731 or text us confidentially at 617-777-0072. You may also contact us here or visit us online for more information regarding our free birth mother services.


State by State: How to Place Your Baby for Adoption in Colorado

Are you facing an unplanned pregnancy? One of the most important things to know as an expectant parent in Colorado is that you have options. No matter the circumstance, Adoptions With Love wants you to know that you do not have to make this decision alone. For more than 30 years, we have been matching expectant and birth parents with loving and devoted adoptive families. Our licensed, private adoption agency specializes in providing adoption services throughout the state of Colorado. If you are pregnant and hoping to learn more about adoption, we can help. Our caring staff is here to help you research your options, educate you about adoption in Colorado, and help you make the best possible decision for you and your baby – free-of-pressure and free-of-cost. We are available 24/7 to give you confidential and compassionate support, throughout your pregnancy and beyond.

To help get you started, Adoptions With Love has created this short guide to show you some of the steps you can take if you decide to make an adoption plan in Colorado:

  1. Choose an adoption agency.

As you begin to explore your options and make an adoption plan, your first step will be to choose the right adoption agency. There are countless adoption professionals to choose from, but it is important to find someone you feel completely comfortable with – professionals you can trust. We recommend choosing an adoption agency that is fully willing to discuss your options, listen to your hopes and needs, and respect any choice that you make. Your adoption agency should also know and inform you on adoption laws in Colorado and provide you the guidance you need and deserve.

  1. Meet with an adoption counselor.

After choosing an adoption agency that works in Colorado, you should begin meeting with a licensed adoption social worker. At Adoptions With Love, we believe this is an essential part of the journey. This is the person who will walk you through your pregnancy and adoption options, and who help you make an adoption plan that is unique to you. She will also be there to answer your questions, to answer the phone whenever you call, and to help you navigate any emotions along the way. At Adoptions With Love, we believe an informed decision is the best decision, and that you should be given the opportunity to consider your options, learn about your birth mother rights, and understand exactly what to expect before, during, and after the adoption process. Only then will you know if adoption is right for you.

  1. Understand the adoption laws in Colorado.

Adoption laws vary by state. In Colorado, no parent can sign any legal adoption documents until after the baby is born. This gives birth mothers a chance to meet their baby and additional time to think about their choice. At Adoptions With Love, we encourage you to take this time to ensure you are comfortable with your decision.

There are many other laws about financial aid you may receive, your rights as an expectant parent, as well as the rights of your baby’s biological father. That is why, if you choose to make an adoption plan in Colorado, it is important to work with an agency that is experienced in the state. Adoptions With Love, for example, works with knowledgeable adoption attorneys who are specifically trained in Colorado adoptions.  We can meet with you – wherever you are – to help walk you through the legal process. Rest assured that our legal services, along with other birth parent services, are free of charge.

  1. Choose an adoptive family.

At Adoptions With Love, you will have the opportunity to choose the perfect adoptive family for your baby. Your adoption counselor will listen to your wishes and vision for the ideal family, and send you detailed profiles and photo albums from the many families hoping to adopt. Once you have chosen the right family, you will have the option to meet or speak with them – over the phone, email, or in-person – if you would like. This is completely up to you! No matter which family you choose, you can rest assured your baby will be welcomed into a safe, secure, and loving home. All families at Adoptions With Love undergo a thorough screening process, which includes background checks, interviews, and a series of in-person visits to ensure the safety and stability of their home.

  1. Make a post-placement plan.

At Adoptions With Love, expectant/birth parents can choose to keep in touch with their child’s adoptive family even after the adoption takes place. This is available through an open adoption plan. Open adoption means birth parents and adoptive parents stay in contact over the years. This level of contact, as well as the frequency contact, is defined by you. You may also decide you do not want contact right away, and opt for a closed adoption plan. You can always open this up down the road, with the help of your adoption counselor. All of the families at Adoptions With Love have agreed to at least a semi-open adoption, meaning we will have letters and photos of your child if and when you are ready.

Whether you choose an open adoption, semi-adoption, or closed adoption, our trained social workers will always be here for you, now and for years to come. Adoption is a lifelong journey. After placing your baby for adoption in Colorado, we encourage you to pursue counseling and support. Adoptions With Love offers ongoing, confidential counseling services at no cost to birth parents who chose adoption. We can help you navigate your emotions, as well as any post-placement communication and relationships.

Whether you just found out you are pregnant, are in your final trimester, or have already given birth to your baby, it is not too late to start an adoption plan. Contact Amy, Nancy, Nellie, Claudia, or Amelia today at 1-800-722-7731 for more information on adoption in Colorado.

This is our State by State Adoption blog series. To learn about the different areas we service, or to find the specific steps of adoption in your state, please visit: adoptionswithlove.org/areas-we-service.

 


The All-Around Benefits of an Open Adoption

An unplanned pregnancy can stir many emotions for expectant/birth mothers: feelings of love, fear, grief, and hope are all common. It also comes with many life-changing choices. When it comes to making an adoption plan, for example, there are several decisions to be made. Second to choosing an adoptive family for your baby, you must decide whether you would like an open, semi-open, or closed adoption.

Many expectant/birth mothers today find peace of mind in making an open adoption plan for their baby. Open adoption allows them to stay in touch with their child and his or her family over the years. It also gives adoptive families and children the chance to ask any questions that arise along the way.

That is why today, most private, domestic adoptions are open in some form. In nine out of 10 infant adoptions, for example, the adoptive and expectant/birth parents meet each other. 68 percent of privately adopted children have had some contact with their birth families after the adoption took place.

There are many benefits of open adoption. Research shows that open adoption is generally positive for everyone involved: the expectant/birth parents, the child, and his or her adoptive parents. According to Adoptions With Love’s open adoption infographic, children are most satisfied in fully open adoptions, where they know their birth families.

While there are many benefits of open adoption, it may not be right for everyone. Before making this important decision, Adoptions With Love wants you to understand all of your adoption options and feel comfortable with any choice you make. Let us explore the many benefits of open adoption for those interested in making an adoption plan.

Benefits of Open Adoption for the Child

Each year, there are 14,000 domestic adoptions in the U.S. An estimated 62 percent of those adopted children are lovingly placed with a family as newborns.

With so much happening physically and emotionally during pregnancy, it can be difficult for many expectant/birth mothers to imagine the benefits of adoption for their baby. It can be comforting to know that an open adoption is often the best choice for a child.

Ninety percent of adopted children over age five have positive or mostly positive feelings about their adoption. Adopted children who meet in person with their birth mothers have been found to express the highest levels of satisfaction when compared to those who never met or eventually stopped contact. Over 80 percent of adopted children have a warm and close relationship with their adoptive parents.

In open arrangements, children often know more about their adoption stories: who they are, where they came from, what their birth parents look like, why their birth parents made this choice. They are comforted in having this access and this information, and usually have less problems and “missing pieces” as they grow. Adopted children in an open adoption have a better understanding of their:

  • Self and Identity
  • Family History
  • Genealogy
  • Birth mother’s choice – In an open adoption, children hold some empathy for their birth mother, who they know made a courageous and selfless decision to give them a better life

Adopted children can also enjoy a wider circle of support with an open adoption. They have a well-established relationship and bond with their adoptive parents, who raise and love them wholeheartedly. They also understand their roots and background, knowing they are loved by both families.

Benefits of Open Adoption for You

An obvious benefit of open adoption is having the option to select an adoptive family for your baby and get to know them. This choice often brings peace of mind for expectant/birth mothers who can rest assured they hand-picked a loving, stable, devoted family for their baby. You can get to know hopeful adoptive families by looking at their adoptive family profile, which Adoptions With Love can share with you if you are ready to make this choice.

The continued, post-adoption contact with adoptive families is another great benefit of open adoption. Birth mothers can get updates and be reassured that her child is doing well and is happy with his or her adoptive family.

The chance to talk about your adoption story with your child is another benefit of a fully open adoption. If and when your child asks questions such as, “What is my biological father like?” or “Why was I placed for adoption?” you will have the opportunity to share and explain from the heart. You can know that your child will learn about his/her adoption story and understand that the choice was made with love.

Open adoption can take on different meanings to different people. Some expectant/birth parents consider contact with the adoptive family before birth to be the main component of openness. Others believe open adoption includes contact before and after the adoption takes place. Ongoing, post-adoption contact can consist of a range of contact, such as email updates, phone conversations, or even in-person visits, depending on the birth mother’s comfort level.

As an open adoption agency, every prospective adoptive family at Adoptions With Love agrees to a semi-open adoption, and most families are now open to some direct, ongoing communication with the birth parents over the years. We want to help you make an adoption plan that works best for you – and help you feel confident and happy with your loving decision. We understand that making an adoption plan is a big decision, and we have caring social workers who can help with all your questions and concerns.

To learn more about the benefits of open adoption, call Adoptions With Love at 1-800-722-7731 or text us confidentially at 1-617-777-0072.  We are available around the clock to answer your questions. If you would like more information about open adoption, please download our free Guide to Open Adoption.


Need Someone to Adopt Your Baby? How to Find the Perfect Family for Your Child

Adoption today offers more choices than ever before. Expectant/birth parents considering adoption may feel overwhelmed with all the thoughts, feelings, and questions that come up in the process: How do you go about making an adoption plan for your baby? How can you ensure he/she will go to a safe and loving home? How do you know you are choosing the right adoptive family?

At Adoptions With Love, there is a lengthy process that prospective adoptive parents must go through before getting approved to adopt. For each family, our trained staff completes a thorough screening process that involves background checks, multiple interviews, and home visits (called a home study). At our agency, every single expectant/birth mother can be as involved as she wants to be throughout the adoption process – even down to selecting the very family who will adopt her baby. If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and thinking, ‘I need someone to adopt my baby,’ then read on for advice on how to find the perfect match.

Thanks to the modern world we live in, information can be shared in an instant over the Internet. However, this can also bring some risks. Expectant/birth parents who take to the World Wide Web to search or post “looking for someone to adopt my baby” put both themselves and their baby at risk for unwanted results – the families that show up or respond to your search may not have been screened, background checked, or legally approved to adopt. That is why we recommend working with a licensed, well-trusted adoption agency like Adoptions With Love, to help ensure your child is placed with a safe, loving, and prepared adoptive family. Our organization is fully committed to placing every child in the best, most caring and secure homes possible.

Choosing the best adoption agency for you is an important part of this process. Adoptions With Love is a full-service, private, non-profit organization that offers comprehensive, free-of-cost services for expectant/birth mothers nationwide. Our trained social workers will work with you to make an adoption plan that best suits your wishes and needs. We will help you find adoptive parents that meet your expectations, and that can provide the type of home you want for your child. We will guide you 100-percent of the way, both now and after the adoption takes place.

If you choose to work with Adoptions With Love, we will:

  • Educate you on your many options
  • Explain the adoption process and help you decide if adoption is right for you
  • Listen to your wishes and hopes for your child
  • Show you waiting adoptive families that meet your wishes
  • Design an adoption plan tailored to your needs
  • Walk you through the adoption laws in your state
  • Always be here for you

At Adoptions With Love, we want you to feel supported and guided throughout this emotional journey. Together, we will go over all your adoption options, including how open or closed you would like the adoption to be, and give you profiles of the waiting families looking to adopt. You can take time to look through their profiles, read their personal letters to you, and choose the family that feels “right.” If you wish, you may even meet and get to know a prospective family. These decisions are entirely up to you.

In finding the perfect family for your baby, we will ask you questions such as:

  • What kind of qualities do you hope your child’s adoptive parents will have?
  • What kind of home do you want your baby to have?
  • What kind of childhood do you envision your child enjoying?
  • Are there any specific values you hope the parents will instill in him/her?

These are some of the many questions to consider when deciding on an adoptive family. You may also think about whether you want your child to have siblings, or pets, or parents of a certain race or religion. Thanks to the comprehensive profiles and photo books made by prospective parents, Adoptions With Love can share all this information with you. We will take the time to discuss your vision, to help you find the perfect fit. After hand-picking the right family, you may also choose to talk with them over the phone, or meet them in person, to get a better sense of who they are.

Though you may not have planned this pregnancy, you can plan for your baby’s life.  You have the incredible opportunity to choose an adoptive family for your baby. In selecting the adoptive parents, you can provide your child with an amazing gift: a life of opportunity, stability, and love. Knowing you have personally selected the perfect family for your child will likely bring great peace-of-mind for your decision and courageous leap. Click here for more information on choosing a family for your baby.

Before you take to Google or social media to search for “parents to adopt my baby,” consider the safe and secure alternative of working with a licensed agency like Adoptions With Love. We will never let your concerns or desires go unheard. We want you to feel confident in both your adoption plan and the adoptive family that you choose for your child.

Whether you are facing an unplanned pregnancy or have already given birth and are considering adoption, please reach out to us for more information. We can help guide you through this journey and provide the support you deserve. You should never feel alone in this process. Our loving staff is always here for you 24/7. Just call 1-800-722-7731 or text us confidentially at 617-777-0072 to get started. Or, to learn more about choosing a family for your baby, you may download our free guide below:


Is an Open Adoption Agency for You?

An unplanned pregnancy can bring about a range of emotions and life-changing decisions. If you are not ready to become a parent just yet, you may be considering adoption for your baby. Making an adoption plan requires both courage and commitment. It is also one of the most loving and selfless sacrifices you can make for your child at this time. Rest assured you have options. If you are considering adoption for your baby, you may have heard about the possibility to make an open adoption plan. What is an open adoption, exactly, and is it right for you? As an open adoption agency offering all types of adoption plans, Adoptions With Love wants to help you understand your options and help you decide whether open adoption is the best path for you and your baby.

What is an Open Adoption?

An open adoption can take on different meanings to different people. For some expectant/birth mothers, it simply means meeting and having contact with the adoptive parents before the baby’s birth. For others, it involves keeping in touch for many years after the adoption is complete. Many women establish a relationship with the adoptive parents before the baby is born and invite them to attend the birth. Sometimes, an open adoption involves contact through letters and pictures, phone calls, emails, or Skype. In some cases, the birth mother will have in-person visits with the families after the birth.

In general, the main components that describe an open adoption include:

  • Swapping basic contact information – In a fully open adoption, you and your child’s family will have one another’s last names, phone numbers, and email addresses.
  • Pre-placement contact with adoptive family. Should you decide to meet your baby’s adoptive family before the birth, they will come meet you at your convenience, wherever is comfortable for you. Or, if you prefer, you can set up some time to talk to them on the phone and get to know one another.
  • Post-placement contact arrangements for ongoing communication. Many open adoptions involve ongoing, post-adoption contact between the birth and adoptive family. As an expectant/birth mother, this is your choice. In your open adoption agreement, you may wish to exchange letters and pictures only, or have ongoing phone calls, emails, and in-person visits.

There is no right or wrong way to determine which option is best for you. It is your choice to decide how much or how little you would like to communicate with the adoptive parents. At Adoptions With Love, an experienced and caring social worker can help you decide which path is right for you.

The Perks of an Open Adoption

If you are considering an open adoption, it can be helpful to know the benefits of an open adoption plan. Some expectant/birth mothers find comfort in open adoption. While it can be an emotional process, just knowing there is an option for post-placement contact (the chance to see/speak to her child again) can help a mother come to terms with this decision. For many birth mothers, open adoption brings peace of mind just knowing how their child is growing and developing. Open adoption can also serve as a reminder of the incredible gift that you have given to your child – a supportive, dedicated family and a life of opportunity. Open adoption can also be a great choice for the child. Research shows that open adoption has a positive impact on a child throughout his or her life.

While there are many perks to choosing an open adoption, not everyone finds it to be the best choice. This is why, as an open adoption agency, Adoptions With Love offers a range of contact options, including semi-open and closed adoption plans.

Making a Plan That Works for You

Adoption With Love is a non-profit, open adoption agency that offers open adoptions, closed adoptions, and everything in between. As an expectant/birth mother, you can enjoy this flexibility because it means making a choice that caters to your own life and wishes. While some birth mothers feel a strong desire to maintain an open or semi-open adoption, others may not. Some birth mothers feel more equipped for a closed adoption. There is no right or wrong answer. This is your choice. Just like no two people are alike, no two adoptions are exactly the same. At Adoptions With Love, we take the time to sit with you to discuss your wishes, needs, and adoption plan. We can help you determine which plan is best for you and your baby. We will also set up any desired communication in the most comfortable way possible.

Post-Placement Care

After the adoption process is complete, Adoptions With Love will keep in contact with you. Whether you choose an open adoption, a semi-open adoption, or a closed adoption plan, we will always be here for you. Adoptions With Love offers free, ongoing counseling and emotional support for birth mothers who courageously made an adoption plan. Adoption is an emotional journey that can be a lifelong process. We want to ensure you have the best experience possible, and that you get the care that you need.

To learn more about making an adoption plan, you may call Adoptions With Love at 1-800-722-7731 or text us confidentially at 1-617-777-0072.  We are available ‘round the clock to answer your questions and educate you on your options.  If you would like more information about open adoption, please download our free Guide to Open Adoption.


Talking About Adoption: A Birth Mother’s Perspective

Years ago, Adoptions With Love met a courageous young woman facing an unplanned pregnancy; she knew she could not provide for a baby at the time, and wanted her daughter to have the best possible life. With great love and consideration, she created an open adoption plan and chose the right family to raise her daughter.

While this birth mother does not go sharing her adoption story from rooftops, she does take the time to help others understand adoption when the opportunity arises. When hearing negative comments about adoption, she takes time to educate others on talking about it positively or helps them to think about it from a different angle. In this interview, C shares her thoughts on adoption language and provides advice for others on how to talk about adoption the “right” way.

A lot of people don’t fully understand the emotional implications of adoption, and will ask things like, “Why didn’t you keep your baby?” or say, “I could never give my baby away to strangers.” Do you get (what seem like insensitive) questions or comments like this?

I really haven’t gotten comments like this from people who know about my daughter; I tend to hear them from people who don’t know I’m a birth mother. Adoption is certainly a subject that most people feel they have a right to comment on, which is sometimes frustrating because they haven’t experienced it, and don’t always have an accurate perception of what adoption is.

I try to point out, in those moments, that you never have any idea what you’d do in a situation like that until you’re in it, so it’s wrong to judge other people for the impossible decisions they make in those moments.

I didn’t raise my daughter because I was not the best mother for her. I wasn’t prepared. I wanted her to have the best life, and I was not the best option for that. I chose adoption for her.

I didn’t give my baby to strangers. I spent hours reading stories of parents who would love my daughter, found a family that felt right, and personally placed my daughter into her mother’s arms. You don’t give a baby away. She isn’t a gift or an object. She is the most important person in my world.

How do those make you feel?

Usually frustrated, to be honest. It’s hard to go through such an emotional process, to make a beautiful and life-changing decision, just to have someone reduce it to an apathetic sentence or two. It can make me angry or sad when adoption is misrepresented that way, because I’ve had such a positive experience with it. That’s why I think it’s so important to challenge those assumptions and hopefully shift the way people think of adoption.

I think the important thing to hold on to, in a lot of these conversations, is that people form opinions based on what they know and have experienced themselves. So if you, as a birth mom, are comfortable with talking about your own experience, it can educate others and give them another point of view on the subject. I’m usually not comfortable telling my own story, simply because of my own situation, but I do usually try to play devil’s advocate in those situations as best I can. I try to make sure that I offer another perspective.

What is your typical response to people who use words like “give up” and “put up” for adoption? (I know you had several thoughts in your blog here.)

I have a pretty visceral reaction to hearing people say birth mothers “gave up” their baby or that they “put up” their baby for adoption. I try to remember that most people don’t mean any harm by it, but I definitely take the time to change the language of people who know about my daughter.

“Give up” sounds to me like a bad habit, like my beautiful daughter was a mistake I needed to get rid of and adoption was the easy way out. It offends me to think that my daughter is anything but the smart, curious, amazing, funny girl she is. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me, and I’m so proud of who she is, and saying I gave her up implies that her existence was a problem that I needed adoption to fix. Nothing could be further from the truth.

“Put up for adoption” is another phrase I hate, because it sounds impersonal and transactional. Like I posted an ad on Craigslist for newborn baby — free to a good home. As I mentioned, babies are not gifts or commodities. They are the most precious parts of ourselves and as birth mothers, we love our children more than I can possibly express.

I much prefer saying that I chose adoption, or that I placed my daughter with a family. I think that captures the feeling much better – that I chose her parents, that I was involved the whole way through, that it was a decision I made out of love, that I took my time to make the choice. Most of all, that I took the time to choose the right people – I didn’t just accept whoever came along first.

Do you have any advice for other birth moms, adoptive parents, or even children who don’t know how to respond to language such as this?:

My responses usually go something like this, when these topics come up:

  • “Keep your baby”
    • I chose not to raise my daughter — I wanted her to have a loving family, and I thought she deserved better than an unprepared single mother who wasn’t ready to be a parent. So I chose a stable, happy, healthy family for her.
  • “Unwanted pregnancy”
    • It wasn’t unwanted. It was unplanned. There is a massive, and important, difference.
  • “Give up” or “give away”
    • I didn’t give her away. She isn’t an object. I chose parents who were better prepared than I was, people who were emotionally and financially prepared for a child.
  • “Real parents”
    • I am real, and my daughter’s parents are real. She’s my daughter because I gave birth to her, and she’s their daughter because they are raising her. To imply that any of us are not real is to diminish what we’ve all gone through in this process, and I don’t accept that.
  • “Adopted child”
    • She’s their child. She knows she’s adopted and they are raising her to know that it’s simply part of her story, part of who she is. There is no shame whatsoever in being adopted — it just means you have extra people who love you.

Do you have any advice – for people in general – on talking about adoption?

ASK QUESTIONS! We have no idea what you’re curious about, unless you ask. We have no idea what your objections are, until you discuss them (I emphasize “discuss” and not lecture, impose, or judge). We have no idea what you’re interested in hearing, until you bring it up. I am always willing to clarify or explain or talk about my story. I think people avoid asking questions about adoption because they assume it’s a difficult topic, but even when it is (occasionally it is, yes), I’m usually just so glad that they came out and asked. Then I know what they’re wondering about, and I can give them information.

As birth mothers, we don’t get to brag about our kids as much as most mothers do, so most of us love the opportunity to talk about adoption and our children and their families. Ask questions, get clarification. Ask us about our experience with adoption, why we chose it, what the process was like, how we feel about it. Don’t be afraid to talk to us about it. It’s a huge part of our lives and we think about it all the time, so sometimes it’s nice knowing that someone else is too.

When people ask things like “don’t you love your baby?” or “don’t you want to see your baby again?”, or even call the adoptive parents “strangers,” it makes it sound like birth mothers don’t have a ton of say in the process. They may not know that birth mothers today do. That’s why we prefer to say “make an adoption plan” at AWL – because you have the option to plan for your baby’s life, including choosing the parents. What are your thoughts on this?

“Don’t you love your baby?” That one’s easy: yes. More than the earth. More than you can imagine. Imagine what it takes to go through pregnancy, go through childbirth, hold your beautiful baby in your arms and accept that you cannot provide the life you think your child deserves. It’s impossible. It’s an impossible choice and it hurts. It’s the hardest choice I’ve ever made in my entire life, no contest. But the love you have for your child outweighs everything. The love is more important than the doubts, the fears, the deliberation.

At the end of the day, you make the choice – whether to raise your child, or to place them with a family – out of love. You make that choice for your child, not for you, BECAUSE you love them so much.

“Don’t you want to see your baby again?” Well… it’s complicated. Yes, of course I want to see her. I have seen her, and I always want to see her again. I think about it all the time. But I also understand the birth mothers who don’t see their children. It is impossible to explain the conflicting emotions. You want to see your baby – of course you do. But it’s another one of those choices that has a lot to do with emotion, and what you ultimately think is best for your child. Some birth moms think it’s better if they stay away entirely, to let their child grow up with his or her family without influence from their birth parents. Some birth moms want to be involved all the time, on every level, as much as possible. Most of us, though, fall somewhere in between. I love seeing my daughter, but I also do my best not to intrude on their lives too often. It depends entirely on your situation, on your child’s family, on how everyone feels about it. There’s no right or wrong answer. It’s complicated. The emotions are complicated.

Is there anything else you want people to know about adoption, or about your experience?

I think there’s a misconception that adoption is this quick, simple thing – like you just fill out a form, hand your baby off to stranger, and move on with your life. That doesn’t even resemble my actual experience. Adoption has been (and sometimes still is) an emotional roller coaster, and you have these moments of unbearable sadness and intense joy, and you have all of these incredible experiences you never imagined possible.

I think of adoption as such an amazing and loving and beautiful thing, and I wish people knew that it is emotional, but it can also be wonderful.

I have held my daughter and talked to her, have had conversations with her parents, have seen pictures of my daughter on almost every holiday. I plan to be a part of her life, and I have by no means “moved on” from the experience. It’s a part of me and my life, of who I am, and that’s never going to change.

If you are a birth parent or adoptive parent looking to learn more about adoption language, please download Adoption With Love’s free “Guide to Talking About Adoption” below. For more information on adoption in general, you may call Adoptions With Love toll-free at 1-800-722-7731.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Mother’s Day & Adoption: Celebrating All Moms This Mother’s Day

There is a famous quote that goes, “Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.” No matter how a woman became a mother, and no matter when she did, there is something to be said about her love for her children. A mother’s love is unconditional, understanding, and unending— wherever she or her children might be.

birth mothers day

This Mother’s Day, we would like to celebrate all the women who carry a mother’s love. All the women who we carry within our hearts. We would like to honor the strength, the courage, and the selflessness that goes into being a mother, whether by birth or by adoption.

The second Sunday in May marks Mother’s Day. On May 13, 2018, many of us will take time to recognize our mothers and the mother-like figures in our lives. This year, Adoptions With Love would like to remind you that every mother has a different story. There is not one single thing that defines a mother, and there are many types of mothers out there. We would like to celebrate them all. This Mother’s Day, we will be honoring:

  • The women who became mothers through adoption
  • The women who became mothers through birth
  • The women who selflessly made an adoption plan, to give their children the best possible lives
  • The women who are praying and waiting to become mothers for the first time
  • The women who have experienced the loss of a child
  • The women who are guardians, teachers, and mentors for children
  • The women who lovingly helped raise children in foster care
  • The women who parented their grandchildren or other family members
  • The women who have financially sponsored children

This holiday, we would like to especially acknowledge those women who made motherhood possible for adoptive families all over the country; the women who made careful, thought-out, and loving adoption plans in the best interests of their children; the women who we often refer to as “birth mothers.”

 “They are not kidding when they say that mothers are strong women. We need to be strong in more ways than our children will ever know.” — M.B. ANTEVASIN

Adoption is the most difficult sacrifices a mother can make for her baby. It requires great strength and consideration. It is often one of the best choices she can make for her child’s future. If you are considering adoption or have recently placed your baby for adoption, know that you are not alone.

One birth mother who placed through Adoptions With Love shares, “Whoever is thinking about making an adoption plan, it will no doubt be the hardest decision in your life, you’ll have your good days along with your bad, but when it comes down to it, it’s the greatest thing I have ever done in my life. Knowing I helped complete someone’s family and also gained a family of my own is the best feeling.”

This time of year can be bittersweet for many birth moms, whether they have recently made an adoption plan or placed twenty-so years ago. Along with love, Mother’s Day can stir feelings of loss. If you made the choice of adoption and are experiencing difficult emotions, here is advice from some birth mothers who have walked in similar shoes:

“I think the most helpful thing I ever heard or said on the subject was that no matter what choice you make – whether you raise your child yourself or choose adoption – you still gave birth to them, and that makes you a mother. Being a birth mother doesn’t make you less of a mother than a woman who raises her own child, or less of a mother than a woman who adopts. You are all mothers, and being different kinds of mothers is okay.” – Chloe

“The best advice I think I could give to other birth mothers is try to think of the positives on this day. I know for some it can be very emotional, but just think to yourself how you and the child will always share a special bond and be a part of each other. The day shouldn’t be about grieving your decision, but knowing you did what was right for your child and that, even though you aren’t their mother figure, you are a special person to them in more ways than one.” – Brittney

“My advice to you dealing with all the emotions during this time is to just remember most importantly, it’s okay to have these feelings. And for me, this year is my second Mother’s Day and I don’t have all of the sad ‘what if’ feelings anymore. It takes time and every person deals with things in their own way. When I was feeling down around this time last year, I asked for pictures of my daughter and just had a conversation with my adoptive mom asking if anything new has happened, how their weekend was… little things to put a smile on my face!” – Kaelyn

Recognizing Birth Mothers This Mother’s Day, and Everyday

Women who chose adoption for their babies are often called “birth mothers.” Some women feel this is the most accurate term, while others do not feel the title is as intimate as their role. This is a deeply personal opinion. Many birth mothers choose to take on special names as their adoption plans evolve. For example, one woman who made an open adoption plan at Adoptions With Love gained a very special title after the birth of her son: Mère, which means “mother” in French. In the hospital, she was struggling with the question of who she would become to her baby. What would he call her as he grows up? It was soon after her mom received a text message from his adoptive mom:

“We were talking about names for Erica, so she has a title to Aiden too. We thought of “Mom” in a foreign language, like French, since it is part of their heritage. We thought he could say “Mère” or something similar. It’s just an idea, and we are open to anything, but we wanted to make sure that there is a title special just for Erica.”

As soon as Erica heard this title, she knew who she was and who she would be in her son’s life. You can read her full story, “Becoming Mère,” here. Here are what some other birth moms at AWL said of their identity and role as a “birth mom”:

 “[Birth mother] is the easiest explanation, the simplest term. I think of my daughter as my daughter, but I hardly ever think of myself as her mother. The parents I chose for her are her mother and father. When my daughter cries for Mom, it isn’t me she’s asking for. And that’s okay. ‘Birth mother’ is an easy way to separate that; that she’s my daughter, but she is also someone else’s daughter.” – Chloe

“I do identify with the term ‘birth mother.’ One thing I don’t want, though, is for my daughter to go by that when recognizing me – meaning she calls her dad “dad,” nana “nana,” her mom “momma.” I don’t want to be called “birth mom” or by my first name. It’s important to me to be something special to identify me.” – Kaelyn

Some birth moms and adoptive families will even celebrate “Birth Mother’s Day,” which falls on the Saturday before Mother’s Day. Others prefer to celebrate as mothers together on Sunday. This varies depending on the adoption arrangement – open or closed – and personal feelings. Here are what some birth moms had to say about the idea of “Birth Mother’s Day”:

“I do think that birth mothers are mothers, and that we need to educate people and help them understand that we’re mothers, even though we aren’t raising our children.” – Chloe

I think that although my child isn’t living with me and I’m not actually raising her, it doesn’t make me less of a mother to be recognized on a separate day than others.” – Brittney

“I think [Birth Mother’s Day] is a great way to recognize us and the decision we made. I like that it is separate from Mother’s Day because the way I look at it is, we are separate from the role our mother’s play and from the role the adoptive mother of our child plays.” – Bianca

“I believe it’s very important for all moms to celebrate, regardless of being a birth mom, adoptive mom, etc. We are all mothers and, depending on each individual’s situation, some birth mothers with closed adoptions don’t get the opportunity to receive a phone call from their adoptive family saying, “Happy Mother’s Day.” Many people don’t recognize the sacrifice we make as birth mothers, so I definitely believe we deserve a day for us.” – Kaelyn

On the subject of Mother’s Day, they also revealed:

“It’s still hard for me to relate to Mother’s Day since I don’t do all the normal motherly duties. With that being said, I feel like I almost take it as any other day but, celebrating my mom of course and thinking of my son a little extra. The day itself does not make me sad; it reminds of the place I hold in my son’s life and how we will always be a part of each other.” – Bianca

“I would like to be recognized just by a simple “happy Mother’s Day.” I don’t need gifts or anything fancy because I couldn’t ask for anything else. I do hope that when my daughter is older she’ll send a handmade card just like I did when I was younger for my mother!” – Kaelyn

A Mother’s Love

Famous actress Sophia Loren once said, “When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” This statement could not be truer. No matter what kind of mother you are, no matter where you are in relation to your child, he or she is a piece of you. You never truly stop thinking about your child, and that makes you a mom. As one birth mother told Adoptions With Love:

I think that as mothers, we think about our babies all the time. My daughter crosses my mind every single day. Sometimes as a quick passing reference, sometimes in deep thought. But she’s there somewhere every day. So I really wish that adoption and being a birth mother weren’t such taboo subjects, because it’s so much healthier and easier when we can talk about all the conflicting emotions that come with being birth moms!”

Adoption is a sacrifice that requires a mother’s strength, bravery, and most of all, love. Adoption creates families. Whether you are a birth mom who needs someone to talk to, are considering adoption for your baby, or would like to adopt, please contact Adoptions With Love at 1-800-722-7731.

*For the purpose of anonymity, all names have been changed